About Our Lovely Xena .....And Letting Go

This is our Lovely Xena as she kept me company one Friday doing the Radio Show. She would always perch near by and listen attentively and look so serious. And there were many debates on this year and she would sit on this same table and turn her back to the TV wisely. Her whole life she had this way of perching and looking so wise and regal.She often say on this table, or laid by side while I wrote. I really think she helped me write both books, I could not have finished them without her. She was 16 this year, and yet she looks pretty much the same as when we first met her and she was so young. My son was just a little boy living in the Northwest.

And this spring when she was so sick she kept searching for her boy, she curled up with his old shirts looking content and so sweet. I wrote in the Earlier Post about her Battle with Kidney Failure ( I will post it below.) And 6-6 and I were so blessed that we have had these last two months with Xena. Watching her look out the window at her birds and the squirrels and the Leaves in the trees. I watched her watch the Spring Come, knowing in my heart it was her last Spring. I made her Chicken and Catfish and Turkey Broth and Tuna, and I would sit and smile and watch her eat. And then this past few weeks she took a turn, and I would sit and feed her with a spoon. So ladylike as she would sip from the spoon. So dainty. And I again moved down to the floor with her. And if she had a night when she was up pacing I would pace with her.

And at some point she had made the decision to let go. She was in pain and she would not let me give her the SubQ Fluids, it was too painful to have me stroke her or hold her, or give her fluids. Yet there was one little spot on her Forehead she would let me rub gently, so I would.

And she was very uncomfortable, very quietly bearing it, but clearly hurting. And then by Monday she did not know not recognize LillyDog or @20PoundWonder Harry Cat....and she could not sleep at night at all. So I talked to Dr.Linda and made some decisions to help Xena. I realized she was not going to be able to die comfortable at home, that she needed my help, my Hospice Skills were not enough. So it was decided that I would pick up medicine to help her go to sleep at home and then take her to Dr. Linda to help her.

So Monday Night I stayed up all night with her and she paced and I stayed with her. She was scared of 6-6 and his size 21 feet, and that upset him,that she no longer knew him. So he could not really say Good Bye. And at 5am sitting in the half Light of Ending Night, I looked at her and realized something. For all these years she usually has spent most of her time sitting by the door, waiting and watching. And I finally realized she was waiting for Her Basset Abby to come Home. Abby her first Dog, and First Love. They used to sit on the sofa together by the Front Door, and Abby would sleep and Xena would sit above her perched on the arm. They made quite a pair. They loved each other. Abby died of cancer in California June 2004. Xena was actually at her side when the Doctor came to give her the medicine at our little Rooming House Room by the Beach. But it finally hit me when we took Abby to be Buried, Xena did not understand and kept waiting by the door for her to return.

So at 5am I looked at Xena and said ,"Xena when it gets a little lighter, I am going to give you some medicine to help you sleep and you will get to be with Abby, you will see a Bridge, and she will waiting for you on the Other side of the Bridge and you won't feel sick anymore and you won't hurt and Abby will be so glad to see you and she will show you where all the Birds are. And I am sure there are places for you two to snuggle. And one day I will come and Find You, I promise." And she looked at me so clearly so Knowingly and then she even went and sat in my lap , which she never does. And so we sat there together and waited for the Sun to Rise so she could go on her Final Journey.

And so at 9 am it was raining out, it reminded me of a cool NW Spring Morning...It reminded me of Bellingham and bringing her Home to the house with the Little Picket Fence that she loved....And how she would sit under the Budgie Cage on the porch and watch the sky and protect her little friend. And how she would get tangled in the Clematis on the porch. And how she loved Standing Tall on our 1920's RumRunner behind the garage and hiss at the Neighborhood Dogs. I sometimes thought that she was confused and thought she was a Dog.

I sat and stroked her head and told her I loved her and then she willingly climbed into the Grate, the only time she has ever done that. And I gave her the medicine that Dr.Linda had gotten me. And I told her to get some sleep Sweet Princess and I went to wash my hands and when I came back she was sleeping deeply. Which is what we had wanted all along, for her to be comfortable and to have some Real Sleep and some Peace.

And then I took her to the Vet's Office and they helped her a little further , it was peaceful and she was asleep, sound asleep, and even had a slight smile. She looked so lovely. And then I took her home so 6-6 and the animals could say goodbye. And today I took her back to the Vet's office and they will cremate her and I will still be able to take her to Brooklyn with us.

And some day I will get back to California and I will bury her with Abby at the Beautiful Pet Cemetery ( all of our Critters are buried there). Xena will always be with us. I think I tried to do right by my Soul Sister, I hope so. She taught us about Strength, Loyalty, and Courage. For now 6-6 and I will be remembering her and treasuring all she gave us. Beautiful Xena the Warrior Princess lives on in our hearts. I thank everyone who has been writing to us and Loving her and sending her Light. We are so grateful.