Okay, I admit that this is going to be my one of my most unladylike posts ...ever. ( okay- this week). Now to those with Moral Sensitivity or Delicate Constitutions ( or healing ribs and lungs- my friend in California), I apologize profusely. This will give some a brain cramp... Now that being said....
WHAT WE REALLY NEED IN THE WHITEHOUSE RIGHT NOW IS A GOOD BLOW JOB.
Now that you think the Enigma needs a straight jacket or a stiff one ( a drink that is). Let me explain the "thinking" behind this little Revelation. I am Really Confused how this leader that Condones and Orders Propaganda and Torture and Secret Prisons and is Clearly a Racist , and is now shitstomping across the Constitution with his I'm-a-bad-ass-tough-guy-but -geesus-lovin-son-of-a-bitch-Corrupt Cowboy has admitted SPYING ON 1000's of Americans, and intends to Continue DOING IT. And the media SAT on the Story for OVER a year , because HE asked them to ???!!! And Now we KNOW it was DATA MINING, and that ALL International Communications were MONITORED and SOME WERE even Intercepted. ( AND MAINSTREAM MEDIA IS OKAY WITH THAT? DON'T THEY KNOW THAT THEY ARE BEING MONITORED AND SURVEILLED TOO????)
So here is my thinking : 1000's DEAD, WMD LIES, lies, 100's of lies Exposed ,lies, Corruption Exposed at MULTIPLE come-to-geesus GOP levels,1000s spied on WITHOUT ANY LEGAL JURISDICTION, 1000's dead AFTER Katrina, lies, Civil Rights Trampled beyond Recognition, lies,PLAMEGATE AND ESPIONAGE, 74,000 PTSD suffers on Disability, 1000's Dead Iraqi's and Americans....Please tell me I don't have to keep going here- that you are already on the Impeachment Bus...( cause frankly my hand is getting tired).
So here is my thinking, WHERE is the Main Stream Media ? This weekend the NYT sank to ALL NEW low ( I know , I did not think that was possible...but). They had a POLL ( no, not about IMPEACHMENT) but about DATING A REPUBLICAN. OMG- just when I thought that Nothing would make me throw up so early in the Day....And WaPo won't DO an Impeachment Poll because it isn't JUSTIFIFED YET???
So go ahead climb on the
So I have decided that the "liberal-kiss-my-ass" Coffin that they rode in on is just not big enough. It is Time to Examine some Recent History. ( IS there Anyone out there THAT really thinks the Media ain't Bought and Sold ?....I didn't think so).
Now President Clinton could do No Right. He left with the Books in order,didn't even have to rob the poor, and didn't go Bomb anyone for OIL or any other handsome lie, and didn't flood us with fake religous speeches ( I admit they were long winded and better than sleeping pills).
WHAT got him Impeached? Or led to the Hearings ? ( after years of fake little Investigations by Mr.Starr, and 200 FBI agents and 40 million dollars). What got him in trouble was that he fell for a fat chick that lived at the Watergate, and yeah, he should not have even thought twice when he saw WHERE she lived, but ....Hey she probally was willing to fix him chicken and bisquits,and kiss his grits any time he wanted.and let's be honest guys, Who looks like she has better chicken? Hillary or Monica? ( Okay the truth is I am not a Huge Hillary fan...more on that another time).
Now I don't support Affairs, and I don't think that anyone who goes down that path doesn't realize that certain Risks aren't Inherent. But on an interview and in Bill's Book he does indeed explore WHY he did it. He has also been asked WHY and he always comes clean ( now). He says it was the WORST REASON, because he COULD. That means he Understood that it was Hubris, doing something that was granted by huge powers, and that did Not make it Right. Now if you ask Most Right Wing Nuts WHY Bill was impeached, some will say it was because he Screwed Around in office, and some will say it is because he Lied about it. ( Neither answer compared to WHAT we are living with NOW makes ANY sense and frankly seems ludricous, I mean he didn't LIE about WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION OR TORTURE ANYONE or ejaculate us into a War).
*** [ okay about the torture Hillary might not agree..sorry]
Okay, So here is What I am saying let's get this friggin show on the Road, Let's get Dubya a Blow Job. I mean it, let's just get it over with. And I don't mean no farm animals or domestic creatures ( Libby style). I mean some big ol' Buxom Babe with Breasts that reach from now 'til'tuesday, with Teased UpTexed Up Hair and Stilleto Heals, and That she bat her ol' eyes like Harriet and that she talk like Karen Hughes and walks like Condi. That she Turn Him Fucking On like lites at Christmas.
I mean the way that Poor Laura has been dolling herself up and that Prozac Glow her eyes have, we Know that she ain't getting Any. So what the Hell, let's send in Some Honey. And let her wear a BIG ol'gold Cross and say things like "Lord Have Mercy,ohhhh geeesus, I never have seen one that big...." ( she is talking about his eyebrow- but we don't need to know the details). After all Letterman Calls it Bush Magic, oh, let her Feel the Magic. Oh, just let her coo and let the Shock and Awe begin.
And then just like True Swiftboat fashion let her brag about it at the Beauty Parlor and to ALL her girlfriends, and then let it spread and spread.Hell let it spread through the White House "like Reporters Gossip". And that in true White Trash Style she Saves all the stained garments. ( I am sorry but of all the revelations of that whole debacle that was THE Thing that really grossed me out, Monica SAVED the stained Dress- ugh). And the BEST part, let her be a cousin of Jerry Fallwell, graduate of Bob Jones, and have a brother that is a Producer at FOX. ( Okay it is a fantasy after all..sigh).
Okay I am worried that THIS is WHAT IT will take to Bring this Bastard in Residence to his Knees...and give us back Our Country...to save What little is left of Our Democracy.
Now I am a Patriotic Woman, but I ain't his type....But I am one of the Invisible....too bad...Because someone should really Give One for the Country...And then MAYBE we could get the Impeachment Proceedings Started....
Because Every Day is One Day Too Late....
************************************************************************************************************************
UPDATE 12-27-05 9PM
CLASSIFIED APPLICATION FOR LULU MAE:
(1) Must like" Hard Work"
(2) Must be a praying woman
(3) Measurements must be????
(4) Must be VERY patriotic-willing to do it for the Country
(5) Must Like Clearing Brush
(6) Must be able to hold her liquor ( and hide it well)
SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED....( oh go on be very creative....you know you want to...)
31 comments:
Funny stuff.
If only...
What a fantasty. Now just where we gonna get Lula Mae? But forget it. Bush is in such a bubble ain't even an anthrax laden skeeter can get past his armed coterie. Laura is watching him like a hawk to make sure he doesn't drink too much and fall down the stairs. This guy has no private life. Only reason Bubba got targeted by Monica was because he actually did have some quiet time of his own.
Besides, even if it did happen, the faithful would forgive it. Jesus can has infinite capacity to forgive...if you're a Republican.
LULA MAE - You even named her that is priceless...I know But I am kerflemped WHAT in the Sam Hell is it gonna take to make the Kingdom Crumble....
( and the sad thing is- this whole "idea" came about because my son brought up some REALLY good questions about WHAT got Clinton Impeached and I was stymied..)
Another note- if you google watergatesummer, my blog comes up first, and underneath it says Questionable Content notify Blogger- What the Heck is that??? about...on a more happy note- if you google Watergate Summer it is over 7,000,000 hits now...and yes, my little humble blog comes up First...so it will keep this name for now...
Hey, great minds think alike, or some such:
http://redhairblackleather.blogspot.com/2005/12/whats-hapnin-brother.html
Laughed out loud...you have an audacious perspective and a skill with words to be admired.
Re: your blogroll, check out the technical problem you have on your blog (namely, it appears at the bottom right, after you scroll all the way down to the end of your page.) There is a correction for this under the Blogger help section.
Thanks for the comments..I was googling watergatesummer, because I was thinking of renaming my blog- but once it came up First .....it has to stay now...( I have never been first in anything....)
not one of my best posts...but definently needed saying, esp after my talk with my son, and I realized how insane this whole thing is....Orwell would definently turn in his grave...
Please tell me that this is not my fault. I did not bring you to the dark side did I? I am known for that you know.
You have to admit it is kind of fun on the dark side. Isn't it?
How do you know he's NOT getting blowjobs? He's surrounded by "The Four Horsewomen of the Apocalypse" from what I hear. True, they aren't much for gettin' it up, lookin' at 'em. Yeah, come to think of it, George is good at milking males horses so that does suggest a handjob festish. Hey, what about Karen Hughes?
e4e....Oh my god....and I was just about to link to you. Maybe I should let things blow over. (No pun intended.)
Well, all seriousness aside, I think you may have put your finger on it. (Again, no pun intended.)
I think this may be the only way we can get to this sick pathological bastard thru our sick pathological representative bastards.
Trust me...I share your pain. At what point does the talking end and couple hundred million people get truly pissed enough to do something about this...especially since our representatives won't?
Great post. Wonder if Ken Starr would be interested in another prosecutor's "job"?
Oh wait....I've GOT to send this blog link to my friend on Fish Wars....Have you considered sending it to the NYT?
Ohmyohmy, My Southern Aunties would be so proud of me ( they were not that well mannered- they swore and drank bourbon, and taught me how to Really play poker)...what a good ol'FireStorm...Yeah, sure send it to the NYT- I bet they would just love it, and Kenny could hold Interviews for Ol' LuluMae, and I think later tonight we will start crafting her Application....Thanks for all the ahem , um, support...
Ah, whoever they settle on, she must be able to bite the bullet and swallow whatever she's.....
OMG...what the hell am I doing???
I really wish you'd learn the html tag for posting links, enigma. I would've loved to see this poll.
< a href=http://anyurl.com >The link text < /a > Then close the spaces. It's not that hard, hun.
"Ejaculate us into a war." I can't get enough of that metaphor. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Okay, thanks for all the ahem creative comments...I did go back and add a link, so that anyone can get on the Impeachment Bus....I know it has a dumb dot in front of it- I will go back and fix later , after I am done battling the Dust Bunnies...
first time was bound to have some errors :{
Poll today : 178,085 have voted, and it is up to 86%
Yep, that works. Now just repeat as necessary. This way, your readership can judge for themselves whether or not you've sourced properly.
The poll used to be up to 89% for impeachment. But 86% is still heartening. I think I'll vote again for impeachment. Excuse me a minute...
This is a good one 'e' I suggested the same thing to the wingnuts on political hardball.com (my favorite bbs) but it was not as eloquently worded as yours is... grin... You go girl...
I'm seeing more and more snippits that #6 is for fact than fiction. I guess Jesus aint done fixin' the Chimp yet. Code name COTUS
Geez, pleased to make your acquaintance, enigma!! What a post!!!!
Dec.30th MSNBC vote- 86% 182,205 votes
Still has not fallen below 85%...even with dum nora hosting hardball and keith off all week....
Let's see if the weekend editorials mention the I word...
woof woof
On second thought, mind if I link to ya? I love sexually inappropriate political humor... why not.... its smacks of truth and says alot about the minds of America.
Check out Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian (www.bettybowers.com) as to why a female may not be what is needed (it's under a faaabulous piece entitled "Is Bush A Girly Man". I mean if Karl Rove doesn't set off your gaydar, what was that whole Jeff Gannon thing about?
Lilly- Link away...and check out some of the other pieces, The Mayberry Gulag Awards in November,The Enemy Within ( Dec.), and there are pieces about Katrina,also (read The Poem in October about saving NOLA), vets, homelessness, and the Enigma Cafe tells what this blog is really about.....stay around and explore...
Lew-who knows what the King cares about, It ain't the people....and we all know I am pointing out a pathetic irony, Bubba suffered Impeachment proceedings for what?
and We Know That this prez does indeed deserve Impeachment- The Hubris is so much more flagrant....and painfully so...
Grrl, you freegin rock!
At the time he was exposed, Bartcop published a coupla of pics of Bush actually greeting Gannon, including a 'manly' hug and was tickled because we 'have our Monica Moment'. Hard to get that on Headline News when the mainstream media mostly reports on what it reports, and not on what's going on.
Remember back in the day, when Rolling Stone used to print 'all the news that fits'? Something nobody ever thinks about is that many older Americans don't even own a computer, and many more that do (young and old) only use it for email and business. They still get their news from TV. If you saw the latest 20/20 offering on popular 'myths', you go a long way to understanding how Bush remains in office. An hour-long exercise in 'debunking' that boiled down to don't worry about the status quo. Reflect on the fact that this might be the only news many people saw this week, or this month, that may make them 'think'. Ain't it a bitch.
My New Years Res is to start writing more letters to the editor that may be published in print, and to keep on writing to the powerful pointing out the obvious. And shorter blog entries!
A hippy one time in Seattle in the '60s said "Why do we have to 'bring democracy' to people? If it was that good, they'd be over here stealing it." That's still valid, seeing how poorly our government values true democracy, much less it's record of 'exporting' it. Dollar democracy has always been a sham, and the rest of the world is dissapointed. As am I.
I want my fucking country back!
Anyhow...let's see what happens with dueling investigations -- Congress wants to know if Bush broke the law snooping (what he's admitted to in public makes that moot, but let's see if they actually can do something about the obvious) and Bush/Berto wants to know who squealed. By all means, keep blogging...but let's not let them get away with this one, even if it means pen and paper and a stamp. Or several.
And more power to you too...great post -- I laughed out loud as well.
Your Constitutional Cohort,
*mel
All are welcome...the Impeachment Bus is ready at the curb...Thanks mel....
Impeachment over at MSNBC poll is still at 86%-more than
187,000
See why I love Lew so much? He cracks me up. You do too, Enigma. I will read through some of your stuff...
Maybe someone out there could just Photoshop Bush a blow job and announce it was leaked to the press by Scooter Libby. That might cause enough confusion during a slow news week to actually cause some of these dumbass Holy Roller Republicans to scratch their heads and question their loyalty to their dumbass president.
I went ahead and linked to this because Aramhoff plead guilty today 9am , actually when I scrolled at 9am- there was no Media to link to or that had posted about the pleas, so Maybe Abramoff is going to be Bush's blow job....who knows ( I thought it was the NSA spying and the illegal spying and torture...but so far I am wrong...maybe Plamegate will be his blow job? who knows...)either way atleast 26 GOP elected officials are sweating today...nice way to start the new year...The Media never mentions that Rove and Delay were VERY close to Abramoff...
( the photo idea is scary...humorous, but scary, because you know Rove has done worse...)
This is hysterical, we're all trying to figure out why all the 'blow jobs' were false alarm blow jobs.
Date Jan 7th, vote is up to 200,989, and holding strong at 86%
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