Okay...This is going to be one of my stranger posts, but I have to blog on this, have to. I was walking home from a downtown grocery store and it was mostly a pretty normal hot humid sticky walk UNTIL....I almost stepped on IT.
There it was lying on the dusty sidewalk limp and fragile and abandoned and lonely.
A small crowd had formed, staring at the little lifeless form. No one wanted to touch It or pick It up, or move It. I mean Someone might come looking for it, or even be missing it. Kind of like a Lost Pet, maybe an Ad will appear in the paper.
People stood staring, there was a hushed silence and much head shaking as people smoked cigarettes waiting for the bus.
The a girl of about 16 did something really funny, she pulled a flower out of a giant planted pot, and laid it on top of IT , and then everyone just had to laugh.
Okay, so by now you are wondering what IT IS?
It was a Toupee. Dark Black and very greasy, with the scalp part plainly visible. Yet laying there on the hot sunbaked sidewalk it really did look like a small wounded animal, almost like Road Kill.
As we all stood looking at it, finally an older woman went over with a CVS plastic bag and picked it with up with military precision,treating it like a Black Plague Rat
and she dumped it in the nearest trash container and gave a HRUMPH and "hmmm, Nasty" as parting words for the Buriel.
Think I am the only one noting the wonders of Toupee Land ? Hmm, head over to Evil Bobby's then...
29 comments:
OMG I am an Idiot...Go to Evil Bobby's right now...it is http://evilbobby.blogspot.com/,
enjoy...
OMG... that is too funny... but I thought the story was going to go more along the lines of this actual news story from SW Florida in May of 2005:
"Suspicious package found on Interstate 75"
The “suspicious package” that caused the bomb squad to be called in and caused Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway to be shut for more than an hour Monday was not an explosive pipe bomb — but rather wrapped-up plastic foot-long penis.
“Someone took construction-grade plastic, molded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape,” said Lee County Sheriff’s Chief Deputy Charles Ferrante.
“They wrote ‘Happy Father’s Day’ on the duct tape.”
TINA: OMG OMG...you kill... I am still laughing....I am laughing so hard I am going to throw up...can't do that ..the dog would enjoy it too much...too funny..
Thanks for the invite. I post over at Craigs off and on. Mostly off though. Between work and trying to make ends meet, catching up on some other sites like FDL etc...etc...etc... I don't really leave a lot of comments.
Not enough hours in the day for someone who still has 6 years left before I can kiss my job goodbye and finally relax and do some of the things I trully like.
Sheila has told me I have a lot of verve and perhaps I do. Most of my posts are in the evening or on weekends. A lot of times there late at night between 7pm and midnite. I still have too get up at 4:30am for work and I fall out on the couch when I get home, so those hours are when I can get online provided I'm not tired and wake up from those oft times fall out naps.
Keep telling it like it is with the crimes against OUR COUNTRY by Der Fuehrer Bush. Perhaps one day I will have the time to put up my own Blog as I have been seriously thinking about it. Until them I'm glad too see that I'm not alone in my thoughts about the Criminal Administration now running OUR COUNTRY.
Good night and God Bless.
Anony=Para: You come here anytime...You are always welcome..always...
May IT rest in peace now..
I almost feel moved to write a Eulogy for an Unwanted Hairpiece...but as Jacques from "Nemo" said, "I will reezeest."
It must have been a hot day indeed, for a toupee-dude to shed a rather expensive chunk of carpet. Here's hoping for some cool breezes up your way...
How in the hell did it get there? Sounds like something that I wouldn't go near even in a hazmat suit.
Me thinks with all the troubles in the world right now a lot of bloggers are trying for some comic relief. I'm posting recipes, you're posting IT stories, and others are posting photos of tranquil,peaceful scenery. Thanks for the visit and for this funny story.
Funny ... but in a creepy way (those rat-tops always creep me out). you remember a Seinfeld episode where balding George got himself a toupee and Elaine became so incensed, she grabbed it off his head & threw it out Jerry's apt window? Well, that's how I think the one you saw got there. I bet if you had looked up a few stories, there would have been a triumphant woman standing in front of a sputtering balding man.
anon-para: those last few yrs before retirement can be the hardest. The goal is so close, you can just about touch it. Then begins the fun part of life. I know, cuz I just limped through that goal myself (no thanks to this criminal admn). D.K.
DK: I love THAT Seinfeld, I actually did find myself looking up to see if there was a Elaine standing up there at a window looking victorious ;->...and the woman who said "Nasty" and gave it a proper buriel- well Elaine would have loved her...
Prof:yup I think all of us are seeking a little relief in these Sunbaked Toubled Times- reciepes, stories, and some funny tales...A retreat at the ol coffee counter...
POP: I have no idea how it got there- I bet that is a story in itself....the morbid part of me does want to know...gee I only hope he didn't go back looking for IT..
Mel: if you feel the need to Eulogize I won't stop you....hehe...and I did ask PoetryMan if he would be so kind to lend his poetic talents ( he probally thinks I have lost my mind)...Stay cool up there in the West- it seems relentless- even by the Space Needle.
DA: gee I hope IT is resting in Peace...I don't want to see it up and about- that is for sure...
The tupee! The tupee!
Weclome to Fantasy Island where all your hair comes true...
frickin' hilarious ... dropped by a hawk? torn off by a hot human? I would've opted for puttin' crime scene tape around it and calling the cops myself ... road kill indeed ... ah the forlorn carpet remnant on the walk ... that is choice ...
GLENDA: It was too hot for a draft...but I do wonder how it came to lay limp on the sidewalk....
RORY: oh, so good to see you, I knew you would appreciate such a sacred siting, and yeah, that would have been great- Hawk ripping it off the poor soul....
PoetryMan: yup...now I have Fantasy Island theme music and Tatoo and the Evil, yet strange Fernando Lamas stuck in my brain .."Its da plane boss"...OMG...Help...How do I get this out of my brain...
TOUP update: I walked back that way today...like a Forensic Stalker- going back to the scene of the crime, and it was Still GONE...I had visions of it crawling out of the Trash Container searching for it's Owner, like some bad Mystery Science Theater Movie..."The Toup That Would Not Die"
Oh that is hilarious. Could you put me on your blog roll?
http://jdurward.blogspot.com/
Jamie
JAMIE:oh thanks...glad that you could laugh...and of course I would be happy to add you to the Blogroll- Love your Blog...was over there last night and didn't have a good story to leave- hope this one made up for it...See ya' over at Craigs....( I treat the Blogroll like a big ol Cofee Counter- I will sit you next to POP- Morning Martini- she's great...)
Enigma, that was a touching and tearful story of transition. Alas, it is the unemotional progression of nature. A mature toupee must make way for the tender shoots of a comb-over to sprout.
Think of it, not as a death, but as a rebirth.
MadMustard: So poetic...so lyrical...and slightly disturbing...hehe.thanks for coming by..I have added your blog to the blogroll..
Hey Enigma. Very funny story.
Dear Jezebel and also PTCruiser...I can't access Peacetrain for some reason- not sure why...But always know that you can come by- and I will try to visit you too.
Despite all our efforts, weirdness often finds it's way into life like flowering weeds pushing through the pavement.
And, I noticed that you had added me to your links list. I have happily reciprocated.
Mike
This is very funny so glad that you put it up. I also noticed u linked me so I too have done the same :) Have a good Day and god bless
The "rug" must be very humiliated by all of this attention. That's probably why it was so still...hoping no one would poke it with a stick or something. It needs affection like anyother rug. I hope it is at peace in the trash bin of life...shame on Elaine. Heh heh!
To Mike Votes, Sweet One, and of course Sumo:
Thank you for coming by and for your thoughts, and my the little rug seems to have won much attention and interest, just as Elaine would have loved...hmm, such a thing as a Toup Muse ?
"poke it with a stick"
Way to go, sumo -- I literally laughed out loud.
The comb-over rebirth was also priceless, madmust. I do believe the heat is getting to all of us.
The Professor is right; we all need a laugh...
...and possibly a three-hour tour~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny! Makes you wonder who it fell off of. And didn't he miss it when it fell off? Did he get to work and realize his hair was gone? Did someone have to point out to him that his hair was missing? Maybe he was on his way to a blind date. Maybe the toupee was covering something embarrassing, like a misguided tattoo from his youth, or a 666 birthmark.
GUGON: OMG...too funny- Blind date???? and hiding a tattoo- that is too much..still laughing- ( 666 mark???omg..)
( hmm, maybe I should have 'collected" the rug and sent it to Gloria?hehe)
MEL: I know the line about poke IT with a stick- tooooo funny, and the combover rebirth...yikes. And I think you are right a "3 hour tour" might be in just what the doctor ordered...or should order.
A three hour tour DOES work...me and the Contessa (G) took one weekend before last. Water Taxi from Pier 55 to Seacrest Park in West Seattle. Hung out for an hour yakking and admiring the skyline, went and put our old dogs ankle-deep in sea water, then hopped back on the boat for the 15 minute ride back across Elliot Bay. Anybody planning on being in the Seattle area between now and Labor Day, drop me an email and avoid the tourist traps. I'm becoming an expert on Good Seattle Outings for Ten Bucks a Day, give or take a Five...
And I can promise at least one Outstanding Hair Sighting each day!
{mel sez love ya from seattle}
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