Tuesday, September 11, 2007

9.11.07 Shattered Dreams and Unsung Heroes



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[Click the title:911 tribute,song Jewel]
Post below was written on the eve of 9.11.01, I have
never put it on my blog before.I wrote this about 12 hours after the 2nd Tower Fell.I was living in the Northwest in a small town in a little house with a little picket fence at the time, my son was 10,and I was still married.I wrote this sitting on my porch, late at night.I have lived in 5 places since then, and my son has grown into a teenager....I have tried to always make him a Home....and give him a sense of Peace and Community.My own heartbroken path has taken me on spiritual journey that can not be denied....and yes,it is intrinsically woven into this Dark Time in our History and has been drastically affected by This Regime.I am even more sad for this Country, Our Country, then when I wrote this....I still treasure what matters....I blog it everyday.
namaste.
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[Please do read the Comment Thread Below esp the Comments by Deudersson and his life in NYC after 911, it is beautiful]
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Shattered Dreams and Unsung Heroes 9.11.01... 11pm

We went to bed last night and we woke up and nothing will ever be the same.Our televisions brought us such images of death and destruction that have never even been portrayed on movie screens.Not at home, Not in Our Backyard. Not Here, Please not here, not in Our Home Lands.Not in the United States.And then we listen to familiar Voices trying to explain what can not be explained, Peter Jennings and Arron Brown so calmly trying. A New York Skyline resculpted by a monsters plan, a shredded symbol.

As these images flash across the screen I am left with images in my mind of people trying desperately trying to get to those they Love.Firemen groping in rubble and smoke.Unsung Heroes who ran into buildings to help people because that is their calling.

Reporters and cameramen filming while running desperately trying to still get the Truth Out.I am stuck with the realization that hours earlier, they had breakfast,walked their dogs,laughed with their kids..Hours later they may have been clutching perhaps a wallet photo and whispering "Goodbye"and "I Love you " into a cellphone...Courage is found in the Rubble and the Dust,dark smoke does not cloud such Bravery....Rubble,ashes,and paper falling like snow, like tears.....a Deadly Rain.

Tonight my son is drawing SuperHeros with his friend, and they are eating peanut butter sandwichs, and my dog is in the yard, and my cat is still pestering the Canary outside in his cage under such a blue sky, and those skies are so ominously silent.My husband is a flight nurse and I look expectantly at the skies, for the first time EVER I don't want to see him flying.I want his feet on the ground.And I am haunted by the date, 911.. Emergency.

So What do we do now my son asks ? It is a good question. Then he asks about the People Wanting Revenge, and I have to tell him that for this level of destruction and death,there is perhaps there is no Retribution, that Revenge does not measure out when there is Such Evil at Work.We have to stay calm and focused,being careful not to judge What we can not understand.

So what to We Do now? .....Perhaps we try to take care of each other,hug our kids a little harder,check on neighbors,give blood, and we pray and we light candles. Be gentle to each other my friends and have Hope. And remember days like these are full of Unsung Heroes that can be eclipsed by the tragedy of the moment. They are People just like You.

30 comments:

deuddersun said...

Great post, Enigma. It was a time when all the world came to our aid, when all the world felt our pain. After all, citizens from 87 different nations perished in the Towers.

When I read your post, written the night of the most horrific event in our history, I am deeply saddened by the world today. Gone are the good feelings we got from our Brothers and Sisters abroad. We are the world's pariah now. Even our own country is divided more than it has ever been since The War Between The States.

Why?

George Bush. It is that simple.

911 was personal for me. I live in New York City Mon - Fri. I work in New York City. And most of all, like many New Yorkers, I lost a friend on 911. So, 911 will always have meaning for me. I cannot forget my "brother" and so I will always be reminded of what happened that day.

Perhaps folks should investigate those who died and pick one person to learn about. Personalize it. Then maybe others will understand what we have lost.

For my part, I have and always will have a tribute up honoring the memory of Paul John Gill, FDNY.

May we never forget what we lost, for it is more than the sum of it's parts, it is our soul as a nation of conscience.

Thank you for your post. You timed it just right.

d.

enigma4ever said...

Deud: I am so sorry that you lost a friend...I think I remember hearing about your friend...such a loss....Many lost such good people...but we need to remember those people and keep them in our hearts and remember Who they were and Why they mattered...We do not even really have many answers about that day...The Investigation was sorely lacking as we all know...and the rush to War too quick...and now we have 30-40,000 sick and dead 911 Workers that are being ignored by this Regime....I also have to say I am sorry to New York- your Country and Govt has failed you...in so many ways...You don't need a Tower....you need answers and a Beautiful Memorial to Honor What and Who was lost that September Day.

I loved the line that you wrote..."May we never forget what we lost , for it is more than the sum of our parts....it is Our Soul as a Nation of Conscience"

namaste...good brother...namaste.

D.K. Raed said...

Enigma, you were far more thoughtful & caring than I was on that day. I recall jumbled emotions, undirected & misdirected confusion, a powerful sense of time-shift (like those timequakes Vonnegut writes about). I also kept looking for our leader, our president, where was he, when would he speak to us & help us understand? Gaaack, when he finally stepped up to the mic, I thought: and this little twerp is gonna provide leadership?

Your haunting post reminds me of another thought I had that day. I very selfishly thought how glad I was that I didn't have to explain this to any children. You did a good job, giving your son valuable guidance during an unreal time. ~~ D.K.

enigma4ever said...

Dk: thank you...I think most of us were confused...feeling jumbled and I do remember watching and wondering WHY no one came forward for hours to Reassure, Lead, and Comfort, that was a very empty feeling, and Lost Feeling....I wrote this that night...sitting looking at the sky and it was so eery and silent...and 6-6 and I had been to the beach on Sunday...and while there we both felt a sense of foreboding, and he kept looking out over the Sound, the Pacific, and I asked what was wrong....and he said, " I don't know, I just feel like Something is Coming, Something is never going to be the same."....We then sat and watched the Sun Set that day and I thought "he is growing up...and maybe I am looking at the days of his childhood pass...maybe that is why I am sad"....it was such an odd feeling....then we drove home picking up chowder from our favorite spot and eating crackers in the car....we both have remembered that trip to the Beach...and how we sensed Something....

I wrote this and sent it around to friends that night, trying to offer some comfort...and by morning it was all over...just an email....posted all over..it was odd...and then that week we may a Tribute Rememberance Center at the City Hall ( pissed off the mayor) and we held CandleLight Vigils there every night for over a week..and we made a Giant Prayer Flag...and with little patches waving in the wind...with prayers and messeges on it...( It was an old bolt of Sail CLoth that we hung between 5 flag poles..) and people came every night and left messeges...I then worked for the Red Cross, carrying a beeper for monthes- they debated sending me to Ground Zero- as a nurse with ER & Psych training...and then they decided not to..and I felt bad about it...and now I am so glad because I would have gotten sick..and I hate that I feel that....anyways...in many ways 911 is woven into all of our lives...it stays...and sadly this Regime has Used it, Exploited it to horrible things...Unforgivealble things...and yes, in a way I was right- it was that Original Retribution Surge that Unleashed a very Evil Side of this Regime...

thank you DK for being the caring compassionate person you are....

enigma4ever said...

9-11 and it is 3pm....and I am trying to write- and Construction workers are tearing apart a building behind mine....so there is much crunching of metal and crumble of rubble...and I have been reading 911 tributes....and also listening to the Betrayus Hearings ( how the hell can they measure "Progress " or "Sucess"while there is blood in the sand????...and I find myself wanting the DEMS to get RUDE...Yell and these Effin Liars...and I am not like that...I am a calm sane rational woman...But I want Someone to realize how insane this is...how Wrong this is..and WHY don't they talk about the Poor Iraqis fleeing their homes in the middle of the night....which I know what that feels like...Shame on us...Shame on this Regime that did something so terrible to Another Country....the hell we have Wrought...and a Military Doofus is sitting there measuring "succeess" in Oil Revenues...What?...is THAT how Lives are measured now...Din't 911 Teach Us Anything?.....

deuddersun said...

Scant hours after the towers fell, as darkness loomed, the Producers of Third Watch ordered every generator and every lighting instrument to Ground Zero. Every member of our Union who was skilled in metalwork or rigging responded to the scene. Those who do "Craft Service", otherwise known as catering rushed to feed the responders. Every able-bodied man and woman from our Local who could be, was there. Many of our Brothers and Sisters were also FireFighters. Only a few months before Harry Ford Jr and two other Firefighters were lost in the infamous Father's Day Fire in Long Island City. The Ford family has roots in our Union back to the beginnings and Harry Ford Sr. coined the phrase, "When you leave New York, you're camping out." (No offense meant, it was funny to us.) So while Harry Jr. was a FireFighter, he was also one of us.

Angel Aerial, owned by Mike Finnerty and Jim Miller, were truly Angels. They provided scaffolding, trucks, water buffaloes and rigging equipment. Many of us dug into the rubble side by side with our fellow New Yorkers, The sense of urgency was ever prevalent, the hope op finding a survivor ever utmost in our minds.

No, it is a Day I will never forget, and even at my age, after that I tried, in vain, to re-enlist in the Marine Corps. I wanted, (and still want) Bin Fergotten's blood on my hands, on my face, to swim in it, so to speak. i wanted to kill him in the most painfully excrutiating way I could think of, I wanted him to suffer. And so in the early days I embraced Geroge Bush and his shoot from the hip style, as many New Yorkers did, (and, unfortunately some still do).

It was only after he decided to go after Iraq, and my brother, scroff, (my fraternal brother, also a Marine), opened my eyes that I saw the light.

Don't get me wrong, I still want Bin Fergotten dead. And even though George Bush says "...I just don't think about him much, anymore...), THAT would be a fitting tribute to those who lost their lives - Bin Laden, shot like the mutt he is, in some "cave in Afghanistan/Pakistan. That would go a long way toward healing the wounds.

I did'nt realize what you meant by "click on the Title". Guess I'm a little slow, but now that I do, that is one fine video you have posted. Your Tribute is Beautiful, Enigma. Once again, thank you very much.

d.

enigma4ever said...

Oh Deud it is so loely hearing your story...and how it is still a Raw wound for you and many others...and I know many that did like you digging and trying to take care of their friends...and neighbors...and that is something so special...Sacred...really..and that is why it really hurt that there IS NO Memorial....there should be a beautiful museum to honor you and your Fellow New Yorkers and What Happened and What and WHO you are....not just for the Fallen...but for the Survivors...In the song I posted she sings about it is "What we do with OUR HANDS that matters".....How we tend to Each Other...Frankly as a nurse, that is what bothers me..that there has been little "Tending" in the past few years...You speak above of how you all tended Each Other....THAT is the America I Miss- and miss terribly...THAT is Real Patriotism...

At the time, that fall when Forces went to Afganistan I understood- that was a Mission of Justice.....it even made sense, I could explain that to my son...BUT then it all kind of got lost in the Shuffle of Lies that followed...and along the way I think many of us KNEW that Bun Laden was Bin Forgotten...and that there would be NO Justice- that the Regime was War Hungry...not hungry for Justice...and that their Warlust had no Bounds...and that to me is Much more Scary than ANY Terra....because it means No lessons were learned...No Lives Lost were or are valued....and that saddens me so much....because it is something that I can not explain to my son....and Justice means nothing to this Regime...

You Deud are the Real Deal...A Real American..and What Still Matters is that we can still look each other in the eye and Remember Who and What we are...in spite of What has Infected Our Government...so that Someday we can get OUR Country back....

namaste....
(It means I am with you in the Spirit of who you are ....in pain ...or joy...It is more than an expression of Compassion....it is Empathy...)

namaste good man...

enigma4ever said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
enigma4ever said...

Deud: Okay I found Something that you must see...
on youtube ...there is "After 911 The Intimate Story", it is a part of a Documentary that was made about the Survivors in the first few days..about New Yorkers taking care of New Yorkers....look it up...www912film.com, it is amazing.....

okay now to try for the YouTube code:
zpJCBylVigk........

go see...it it so wonderful....

aballoflight said...

YouTube - After 9/11 The Intimate Story

enigma4ever said...

Thank you Ball of Light...

Larry said...

Nice post Enigma and one that stands out above the others.

got democracy said...

When I think back to 9-11. I remember those ashen papers falling like snowflakes. I remember being brought to tears over the horiffic series of events, and feeling, deep to the core, whatever dark & evil entities had made this happen, this raw sadness & emotion of the overwhelming death and despair. When I read MLK's writings frm back in the 60's, I find them haunting. It is like he had written them today. The concept of "murdering hate" rings true.

For through violence you may murder a murderer but you can't murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar but you can't establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can't murder hate. Darkness cannot put out darkness. Only light can do that.

Gryphen said...

Sculpting words with your heart again Enigma? Beautifully written kiddo.

I must admit that today I have focused on the Petraeus hearings and the newest Republican sex scandal. It is just easier.

MSNBC keeps playing their broadcast from 9-11. I cannot stand to watch any of it. As a matter of fact if I could forget the emotions that overwhelmed me that day then maybe I could finally find some peace.

You seemed to have a clearer head then I did that day. I was not blogging yet, but I am sure I would not have written anything half as beautiful as you did.

I am just glad we made it through today without another incident. My paranoia was working overtime.

Take care Enigma, and thanks for all you do.

Anon-Paranoid said...

I dark day indeed in our history and one that will never be forgotten.

Nor will we ever forget what a insane madman did to forever shame our country for revenge and oil by invading Iraq.

Now he and his minions beat the drums to attack Iran. Elections may or may not happen and all our so called representatives do is worry about whether or not they will keep their seats and power.

What a long way we have fallen from what we once were.

I pray that one day the Lord will forgive us for what we have done as a Nation.

Excellent post enigma.

God Bless.

enigma4ever said...

Anony: Truly a Fall From Grace...and Stolen Honor....and our despair was used for something that it should not have been fueling....to go to war...

Gryphen: you were right to not watch it today...I didn;'t either,...I watched the Betrayus Hearings ( yeah, like that was cheerier...)When I ran my little nonprofit...there were no blogs in my little town..so I would stay up and send Emails ( hundreds) in the middle of the night...so I sent out this post...and a letter - trying to take care of people- and planned my Prayer Flag Vigil...( I was almost arrested for taking over the front of City Hall- what a joke..) So yeah,....I wrote like every night...So I guess in a way I was like the Midnight Paul Revere- sending emails and delivering NEWS....even the bad news....and then I think I put it above...we also were the only ones on our block with cable- so we let everybody come and watch TV that week...and now it seems so Far Away...and also just like Yesterday...

enigma4ever said...

Got Democracy: oh....I hear you...and yes, somehow I think that MLK did know what was ahead...and that pain, more pain would fall...We are In Dark Times...we need a MLK...a VOICE...of hope and reason...and comfort...Murdering Hate has many faces...and many motives...so sad...all of it...every last bit of it...Hang in there my friend...WE will get OUR country Back and survive these Dark Times...

Larry: ahhhh, thank you...there are less 911 Posts this year...Robert over at Left of Centrist has a wonderful Roundup of blogs that posted about 911...

JollyRoger said...

I had some thoughts on September 11 today that weren't well-received in some circles.

I really don't care anymore; we have to decouple September 11 from Chimpy's agenda. The time to do that is NOW.

enigma4ever said...

Jolly Roger: I don't think I mentioned the King....above...I never do when I talk about 9-11....I actually have never posted this before...the last 2 years I just lit candles and played music...In my mind and heart I can mourn and care about WHAT happened without being sucked into the WH agenda...this post is about what I told my son on that day...and I stand by it...read it- and you will see that I was NOT ever one of the "Let's go Get'him Revenge" people....I was one of those that said Evil happened but it does not warrant MORE evil..because even then I did not Trust Bush at all...and I even then felt that the WH would misuse their Patriotism ....and that is all above...without ever saying Dubya...but since I have friends that lost friends...and since my son lost his innocence that day...I have to honor that somehow...and honor what we all lost...because that day is when ALOT of things changed forever, anad mainly because there are Evil Criminals In the Wh...and I think that is when we began to see ALL the Changes...I do hear you...and understand...But the Dead still need to be honored...3000 died that day- and they were from all over...and they were not Partiots or heros....they were just People, Neighbors...people like you and me...and no they didn't die for Liberty or any other such foolish notion....

I also believe that we learn...learn from our own History...and occasionally we have to reflect...and take time to remember....but not every day...

Namaste....

JollyRoger said...

Enigma, of course we want to remember the dead. We want to HONOR the innocent. My anger comes from Chimpy's unrelenting use of the graves of September 11 as stage props to justify murder, thievery, and empire.

I wasn't the least bit offended by your beautiful remembrance. I wish that we were ALL remembering September 11 as you are. I wish I didn't feel the need to point out the ways that Chimpy is dishonoring the dead and the grieving.

enigma4ever said...

Jolly: phew...I just didn't want you to think that I was like that Forum Experience for you...that is alll...we all have been through tooo much ...we need to take care of each other...thank you for what you said...and believe me - I do my very very best to NEVER ever serve up WH crap....We will get these Effin Criminals OUT of OUR White House....and get OUR Country back...take care...

JollyRoger said...

Do you ever wonder if the people of 1941 would have tolerated FDR using December 7 as an excuse to hit, say, Brazil? And what would have happened once they found out that FDR had LIED to them about the "threat" Brazil posed?

enigma4ever said...

Jolly: wonderful hypothesis...hmm or is it analogy...anyways....perfect...( okay the WH isn't going to go after brazil next right? hmm, not enough Oil right? ...are you sure..cuz there is Oil in South America)....it is unreal How Much Ill Will Dubya has been able to foster...Everywhere....when they show him going to other countries and the protests- they are massive...and they had to build Special Fences in Australia....and that is What really worries me- that ALL of these people and Countries that HATE George- what if at this Point they hate us? all of us? and I don't know...how they feel...they have every reason to hate the US....and at this point I think if we had another 911, I think there would be NO sympathy...none...

JollyRoger said...

I posted on this just the other day. The goodwill many once had for America is gone, and I'm not sure how we get it back-or if we do.

All of us have a lot of work to do to fix things, assuming we get the chance to do the work.

enigma4ever said...

We have ALOT of work to do....HUGE....and that is why the Bushco Whitehouse MUST face Justice....and so it never happens again.... ( but the "goodwill" is years and years away...that I know)

enigma4ever said...

Jolly- you also can write me at enigma4ever@earthlink.net, if you are tired of playing tag at both blogs..sorry..

JollyRoger said...

And I can be reached at jolly.p.roger[at]reconstitution.us.

You are doing what needs to be done, if ever we are to regain some friends in the world. We must let the world know that many of us never have accepted Chimpy's bloodlust, and that we stand ready to bring a sane and helpful United States back into the world community.

deuddersun said...

Wow, Enigma, thank you again. I have seen the documentary you posted. Like a moth to a flame, I am drawn to all things 911, I can't help it.

I can understand the anger and frustration some feel about the politicizing of September 11, 2001. It angers me as well. Ask any New York City FireFighter what he thinks of Rudy Ghouliani and then stand back so his spit doesn't land on your shoe. The Republi-cons have corrupted the losses and sacrifices of that day into their own festering sore of validity.

My post, and yours, and many others were meant to deal with those we lost with no political undertones. For myself, it is consoling to remember my friend and the life he left behind when he became a FireFighter, and the life he lost in the performance of his duty.

To the naysayers and those who satirized or in some other way disrespected our remembrances, I have this to say. You satirized our efforts to remember our lost, you disrespected all those who lost their lives. You fell into the Republi-con trap of trivializing and politicizing a day all Americans should hold sacred. Doing so only serves to validate the Right, for it is up to us to keep this day free from political contamination. Surely the Right will not.

There are 365 days in a year. Go after the Liars and Profiteers all you want. Expose their fallacies every day. Every day except one - 9/11. Leave one day holy to remember the lost. There are still 364 days left, to set the record straight.

d.

deuddersun said...

I have been too harsh on Jolly Roger. As such, I left a comment there explaining my position. Seems he really didn't disrespect the day at all, merely the Republi-cons ghoulish attempts to use the day as a reason for their War agenda.

Anyway, to see it head over to Jolly Roger's at:

http://reconstitution.us/rcnew/?p=383

For the record, I apologize to him.

d.

enigma4ever said...

Deud...it is all okay...we are all on the same sad frustated page...and we are all tired of the Regime and war humping....terrathumping....we are all sick of the whole thing, and how 911 is expoited for this Warmongering Regime...please please don't you or Jolly be hard yourselves for caring....and having feelings about something so tragic in our History....

namaste friend...