Monday, October 22, 2007

Looking Inside and Facing Waves....of Change.

*[Click the Title for Music: Lisa Loeb "Someone You Should Know"]*
*{Photo is of Typhoon Krosa last month, shamelessly borrowed from someone's blog- thank you and my sincere apologies]*

Haunted by a Song and A Photo.....

This Weekend this song by Lisa Loeb and this Typhoon photo haunted me. At first I was thinking there is No Connection between the two, but then slowly I realized that was incorrect, they are very connected...

I have always liked Lisa Loeb. I love that fact that someone that wears Value Village and Vintage Glasses, and looks so smart, can be sexy. I love that she sings Powerful Songs in a Soft Voice. I love that she weaves the Ordinary with the Sublime. I love the fact that she looks like she would be someone that you could sit and sip coffee with and people watch. I love the fact that she writes songs about sitting home on Friday Nights and Soul Searching Moments.

Life is not always made up of Big Moments, it is made up of Small Moments. It is made up of Moments that we realize Exactly Who We Are, whether we like it or not. In the Song, she sings about how we all are a Untold Story, and that is so true. And if we aren't willing to go to the Next Chapter of Our Untold Story, then we will never get to Who We Really Are, the Someone We Should Know.

I think sometimes people are just waiting for the next Big Moment, or Big Event to shake things up, to clear up the Clutter Along their Path. I think sometimes people don't want to take on the Next Big Challenge or seek the Next Step....I think some people want the Events to fall along the path....and I don't think that Life works like that, not always. And some people don't want Change, or to have to look at themselves.

And sometimes there is a Storm that rages inside, and waves of change just there on the horizon. It can be scary and it can be thrilling, but as long as we can look at it.....Face It.....then we know there is Something Stronger Inside.

Pieces of Enigma 's Tale:

In 2004, by that Spring I had lost Everything, Family, Friends,my Neighborhood and Neighbors, My Home, belongings, Pets, a Longtime Marriage, a Nursing Career in the Northwest, and Faith in My Government and My Leaders.As a Whistleblower on a large criminal case that had run amuck,by January of 2004 I had to flee for safety reasons, from the Northwest and attempt to find a safe place for my son and our pets. Everything else was shattered, because the EPA and the Government had failed my Family. If you file a Multimedia Investigation Request against a large Corrupt Chemical Company complete with volumes of Data , Trouble Comes.I was the First Mom and Nurse in the Country to ever File such an Investigation In DC in October 2002.

( Initial Data and reports and Superfund and Dumping Complaints had been filed starting in December 2000 by little Environmental Health NonProfit , under a Different Administration, and that made all the Difference. Over Time Things In the Northwest would change, and in DC, but I can say this, by Spring 2001, Everything Changed Forever, and it was Too Late, I had already Witnessed the Biggest Dumping Case in the Northwest.It was too late to ever turn back, atleast while the Dumping was Going On.The Dumping involved A Drinking Water Lake,Rivers,Farms, Abandoned Coal Mines around the Lake, A Beautiful Bay, A Whole County, a Small town, and all were contaminated with Hazardous Waste, the Soil, the Water, the Air,the Plants,Fish and the Animals,and the People, My Neighbors. And My Child. I was beyond determined.It was not about Mistakes, it was About 40 years of Lies hurting Everything that was dear to me.The fear was nothing compared to what raged in my heart about what had been knowingly done to the people and the Home that I loved. There was No Turning Back Moment ever. Knowing Endangerment of criminal proportions was more than a manifest destiny or historic legacy. It would be my Battlezone and it would Typhoon my life.)

Spring 2004 after our Northwest Exodus, Meanwhile the Democratic Hopefuls were peddling "Changes" and a "New Tomorrow " ( after the American public had been fed Volumes of Lies since October 2002), yet there they were on my little 13inch TV looking large than Life. I was devastated and heartbroken. I was Refugee in my own homeland, living in an old Dilapitated California Coastal Rooming House sharing a room with my young son, a cat, and an old Bassatt. I was more than Abandoned and Tossed Aside, I was Lost. Yet my son never really knew How Bad it was. I told him it was Temporary, and that It was an Adventure. We went for long walks on the beach and we got ready for the Election. I tried to give him Something that I really didn't have, and Hope mattered more than Food.

We used to joke that we had been "Typhooned" by Events....yet it was true.
And over the next 20 monthes we would watch the events unfold of the Tsunami and Katrina and my heart would ache for the Refugees and all that they had lost even as they survived.... I would not use that Expression anymore. I couldn't.

I don't need any more "Typhoon" events for me to know Exactly What I need to do next with my Future....and I already Knew who I was , and maybe that is why I was given the Typhoon that dismantled my life. But I also know that it does not have to be that way....Everyday you are given a chance to Know Yourself just a little bit better. It is a gift. For me I realized that walking to the Beach every night Facing the Waves. Even the Biggest Crashing Waves.....Facing those waves helped me realize that I was intact. I did Know Who I Was despite the Storm and Waves in my heart or on the shore, or that my life was like a ravaged coastline.
How about you ....Have you had Big Moments to Face ? Have you faced your Biggest Waves Yet ?


enigma4ever said...

To those here at the Enigma Cafe, thank you for allowing me to share pieces of my tale....The Introduction to my Book Silent Fallout is over on the Blogroll at the top.

( Some already read a snippet in "Red Trucks & Watery Lies " in the Archives.....)

I still hope to have it out by next Spring. It has to come out by this Election Summer....this Regime had much to do with the fates that befell my family and town....

thank you again..any questions email me at

Cartledge said...

I haven't seen it, but I have taken this piece to ponder on.
I have been pondering over how to reveal corruption in a way that actually might ring some bells in the wider community.
I've seen enough and suffered myself, just from seeing and knowing. I look forward to seeing the story.

betmo said...

i don't know that i have had a typhoon yet. i have weathered many storms so far in this life on this planet. hope springs eternal- i don't remember where that quote comes from- but i think we have to have it- or else what's the point. every person with courage to stand up for what it right takes that much more power away from these people. i am proud to know you :)

Dr. Know said...

Along the lines of what you mention here, have a look at this:
The Dixie Mafia - Cronies, Killers, Dealers, & Traitors

I've never gotten the entire story behind your particular tale, so I am now off to read your Intro, if I can find it...

Have a good day, sorry about your team.

Mary Ellen said...

I've had a few typhoons to deal with in my life...but I have yet to come across one that has destroyed my life or my soul-so all in all, I'm cool.

an average patriot said...

There are very few lucky or not I don't know, that get through life without life altering moments. I have had more than a few that most would call horrible but they were all good to me because they only made me better.
I see the same in you and commend you. It is not your experiences that should shape your life but what you chose to do with them. Keep on trucking! Namaste right?

azgoddess said...

hey my your post...and am about to answer your question..

but i'm pretty sure you already know what i'm gonna say...

yes, i've just had a major typhoon in my life..he died and i'm still here cleaning up the debris in my heart...

but you're right - it's made me stronger, scared at times but stronger

i'm still waiting for the winds to die down to actually see what's around me that survived...hugs

Dizzy Dezzi said...

First off: Wow. You are amazing.

Secondly, Lisa Loeb does kids songs rugrats love her (and I totally dug the fact that she was a great singer who wore geeky glasses...cuz so did "this" singer...and we both still do...)

Thirdly, I could probably write volumes about all the typhoons I have weathered, but I learn a little bit about what I am capable of. I still don't know whether I am able to weather even bigger storms, but some things you never know...until you know, of course.

Anok said...

Enigma - your life astounds me. Please let me know when you book will be out!

That said - I have not yet had my Big Event. I have had many, smaller (though passionate and enraging battles) to help me prepare for The Big One. What it will entail, when it will happen - what the outcome will be, I just don't know yet. I have seen it in the cards - it started last year and each reading gives me another clue as to what I will face. I know it will include sacrifice. I know I am not ready.

I hope I will have the strength you have already shown.

Trail blazer - thats what you are Lady!

PS I posted a link to the entire hour and a half of the Congressional Ceremony for the Dalai Lama on my site - if anyone wants to see it.

enigma4ever said...

Thanks all, for your thoughts, comments..I don't even know what to say...I mostly just also wanted to let people know that I am still working on the Book...and that all of us face things...Moments that change us....The Fires now remind me that So Many people have hurdles and pain on their path....Do we learn from each other ? Stay connected? take care of each other ? ......always yes.....

take all....namaste..

D.K. Raed said...

I'm just catching up here, Enigma. Thanks for this "installment" of your book. I admire you so much for the way in which you handled these typhoons. You didn't ask for the things that happened, but you didn't walk away from the fight. It's an amazing struggle.

No huge life-changing typhoons ... only small storms for me so far. The biggest waves, I'm afraid, will come later. I take heart from seeing how others have handled moments which demand courage. I guess you never really know how you'll handle something monumental until the time comes.