Wednesday, November 28, 2007

About Housekeeping....Against my will 11.28.07

*{Click the Title: Micheal Hedges of Windham Hill "Aerial Boundaries"}*
While in the middle of jobhunting, it is important to also be forced to do Something that is Totally Irrevelant.
Allow me to explain, last summer I worked very hard on my Front Porch and My Yard, I needed a lovely little refuge, a retreat. So I decorated, painted wicker furniture, and planted petunias, and peonies and pansies. I hung windchimes and made mosaics, and also pillows. NOW in the middle of all this, my house got inspected. Where I live the Community Inspects garages, porches and yards. It is an old battered neighborhood, a college neighborhood. Not a Fancy Gated Community. So I find it absolutely laughable that the City "Inspects", but they do, and they also Cite the Homeowners, or Landlords if they don't like what they see, it is a very subjective thing, and I am pretty sure the City makes Money off of it. ( Have you guessed that I am MORE than annoyed at this point ???).

See here is the thing, I moved here because my Downtown Cool Apartment Loft Building got Foreclosed- in the middle of Winter, so in the middle of the Coldest Part of Winter, I moved, yup Siberian Moving, 22 Straight Days of Sub ZERO weather....And It was a haphazard move- I did it, all alone. No Help. But I did it.

Then I loved into my beat up old Victorian House, that had only been lived in by College Students for many years, Art Students that did not like to Clean.So I spent monthes, scrubbing, cleaning and scraping, and painting, attempting to make it look somewhat normal.....And I worked on it all spring and all summer. And to be honest the Porch and the front yard was biggest accomplishment. I painted, cleaned and fixed every single room. And after 5 moves around the Country in 5 years, I also tried desperately to make sure to put everything in order for my son.

And to find out that I got "Cited" , has really made me angry, I won't lie, it really upset me.

And to work So Hard to make Something Rotten and Unloved look so Nice, and to know that I got cited, has been very upsetting. And to be inspected, like I did Something Wrong, is very stressful. ( The City is inspecting ALL of my landlord's it is NOT about me). And it is near Christmas and I live with a teenager, so my house is of course a mess....and I have No One to help clean or paint....which normally would of course not matter.

And I have to move the porch furniture ( that is called "debris"), and ALL the plant pots, and Porch Goodies, and that means Many Trips to the dreaded Basement. And the yard I worked on alone all summer and fall, and frankly I spent the last three weekends raking, and I am tired. ( and oh, yes, the Side-by-Side Neighbors I have suck- I forgot...she is a princess, and can not clean or help...with the yard, god forbid, she might get dirty or break a nail). And I still have this lumpy swollen ankle that I have been hobbling up and down the stairs with....adding to my cursing and grumping...

So for the Next Two Days I will be tied up with this Project, of getting ready to be inspected again, and cleaning like crazy.....and well, not really in a good mood...because all I want to do right now is Get a Job and finish finding all my Christmas Goodies, NOT cleaning....I hope and pray that my attitude improves, and that I am not so tired that I can not get this done.....

So I apologize ahead of time, and for my bad mood......and say please know that I will be thinking about you all.....It you want to leave me a nice thought, or a funny joke that would be great....I should be back by Friday Afternoon, after the Hideous Inspection.....

( Or you can email me at


Fran said...

Ugh! Enigma so sorry you are having to deal with this subjective inspection. Too bad you don't have before & after pictures to show them. I may be overstepping, but is there a reason 6-6 can't help? Especially if your foot is gimped up, time for the young man to help? I don't know the details of your situation--but I have 2 sons- usually if I asked them to help they would. One is much better than the other about understanding the basic concepts of helping, but even the one who balked & dragged his heels would help if it were *mandated*. As in you can go hang with your friends just as soon as this project is done.
You need help & if he is able bodied, call upon him to help. I think too often parents don;t want to burden our kids, and instead carry the whole burden themselves. That's not fair to either of you.
This is a real life experience there may be no reason to exclude him from. I cut my son still living @ home some slack-- but he sometimes parks himself @ the computer w ear buds in & would totally blow off doing chores entirely *if* we did not ask him. anyway, the inspection seems random & unfair. If there are any other repairs they require-- it should the landlords responsibility-- right? I'm mad at *da man* right now because I just got screwed @ work. I hope the royal inspectors are happy next round. If anything, ask for help from friends, etc so you don't injure that foot further. Here's to better times!

enigma4ever said...

Oh fran...thanks...he is a really good son, but he is a teenager- and only helps with certain things...long story...anways..he has helped over and over with all of these moves...but cleaning and painting are not part of what he can help is alright- it is my job...but it would have been nice to have more than 2 days warning...ce la vie...bottem line I am just pissed and tired...bad timing...but thanks..I will get through usual..

D.K. Raed said...

Oh, I wish I could be there to help! I'm good at that kind of stuff. I assume the community police want a minimalist look? I just wish shoving it all in the basement didn't involve those trips up & down the stairs on an injured ankle.

I would think anything structural is the landlord's responsibility. But, yardwork, hrrrmph, well the neighbor who shares the yard has a vested interest there. Don't waste your time on the princess, meet the prince in the driveway, prop your swollen foot up on a chair & level with him.

Also, with holidays, I'm suspecting they might be looking at electrical hazards, like overloaded xmas lighting. Don't be shy about calling the landlord & explaining exactly what they are asking you to do & enlisting his help to comply.

No need to apologize for a bad mood -- it's totally justified. Let me work on some jokes ...

D.K. Raed said...

A not-so-bright guy needed some extra cash fast, so he started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the McMansion & asked the owner if he had any handyman-type jobs he could do. "Well, how much would you charge to paint my porch?", the owner asked. "How about $50?" the guy responded. The homeowner agreed & told him that paint, brushes & ladders he might need were in the garage. A short time later, the guy came to the door to collect his money. "You finished already?" the homeowner asked. "Yes," the guy answered, "I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the homeowner reached into his pocket for the $50. "Oh, and by the way," the guy added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

fallenmonk said...

Sorry you are having a bad time right now but I am sure it will get better. Wish I could be there to help. I am a well trained 30+ year husband and fully qualified in all things to be cleaned, painted, repaired, moved, etc.
If it helps to know we are all pulling for you then know that we are. If it was always easy and trouble free we wouldn't appreciate the good times for what they are.

proudprogressive said...

An inspection , OMFG i too would be pissed and appalled. And inbetween jobs that is stressful and not the time to put the "green fun" into cleaning and hauling..helll they don't call it mota for nothing. I suck at painting. So i can imagine you not wanting to "over employ your son. But hell isn't that what kids are for ?? (my mom thought so and i turned out alright)

I will keep you in my thoughts , that you get a job poste haste. Hell you got the skills and then some..that will no doubt de stress you somewhat.

here is a joke for you - E

how many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

one ( and its not funny !!!)

azgoddess said...

hugs my friend...just curious what the landlords responsibility is in all this???

well to take you mind off of things - here's a joke for you::

oh and ichael Hedges - Aerial Boundaries was AMAZING!!!! THANKS!

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me".

His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.

"You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."

She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars".

"Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".

Mary Ellen said...

Oh man, Enigma! You were a lot nicer in this post than I would have been. Heck, I dropped the F-bomb multiple times over a shorted load of firewood!

Do they inspect INSIDE your house, too? That sounds almost illegal! I can see why they want to keep the neighborhood looking nice and want the outside kept up, but improving it, only to be told to remove the improvements that are dubbed "debris"??? That's insane! Beer bottles and broken down cars are debris, not wicker furniture!

If I were there I'd be happy to help you, I actually love doing that kind of stuff. Good luck with the work...oh, and I understand the teenage son thing, I have one of those at home, too. There are just certain things they are better off NOT helping you with.

Mary Ellen said...

azgoddess- I just read your joke..hilarious! :-D

Jamie said...

Sorry you are having a rough go. I too would question the landlord and certainly would question the ruling that threw your plants off the porch.

Take a time out and giggle at the Savage Chickens

Thomas said...

So I was listening to NPR one day and they were interviewing Scottish and Irish painters
and for some reason they ask the Scott what he has for breakfast, now say this to yourself in your best Scots accent
"two cigarettes and a coca cola"
So whenever the Queen asks what's for breakfast I say........
This has been supplemented by a line from the forgettable Robin Williams Movie about renting a huge mobile home the asks Robin Williams what's for breakfast, and she snarkily suggests Bagels and Deer Testicles....
it helps


Dizzy Dezzi said...

I've been holding on to this youtube link all day. I was thinking about posting it on my page, but I think you need it more than I goes:

Something a little different...

A Ball of Light said...

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything.. Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first Day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back To his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.

He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his Room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the Uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on The first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to The plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."


A redhead and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The redhead, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the redhead's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The redhead doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the redhead, and hands her $500.00.

The redhead says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the redhead and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the redhead reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


A redhead walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the redhead hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the redhead for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the redhead returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The redhead replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

seeing as there are numerous smart redheaded women around here, i made a slight alteration to these jokes ...

TomCat said...

E4e, I certainly don't blame you for being pissed.


an average patriot said...

azgoddess that was hilarious!

Enigma you are too good and don't deserve that harrassment which if what it sounds like too me. You just relax and keep meditating. Things will get better and regulate. You deserve it. How about 6.6? you take care things can only get better. You are a good one!

LET'S TALK said...

Enigma, I would be having fits right now. It seems that you have your work cut out for yourself.

Take your time and remember to do one thing at a time and do only what your body allows you to do.

Be well and be safe.

Fran said...


A man is sitting at a bar, when a beautiful woman approaches him.

For $100 I'll do whatever you want, she whispers.

The man jumps to his feet, grabs his wallet, hands her $100 bucks & says:

Paint my house!

enigma4ever said...

OMg, guys just are killing me...thank you , ALL of you , for making me are so funny....I love you all for knowing when to make me laugh ....and keep things in perspective....after Friday afernoon I will be so much happier...MUCH....

take care....

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