Monday, November 05, 2007

End of Unplanned Mini Sabattical.....And a Thank You


***********************************************
*{Click the title" Leonard Cohen "Hallelujah"}*

It started out so simple...a "Server " Problem, that I could not fix......and then add to the Technical Mess, Other Issues.

I once worked at the Beach for the Summer, and at the end of the Summer I had the chance after closing and thanks to a friend, to do the Boardwalk rides One More Time. The sun was setting, and I rode the Roller Coaster alone....It creaked and cracked and swayed and the gulls complained and screeched to each other as they looked for fries.....but I was alone.It was more lonely than scary.

In the Midst of Server Issue, I was still riding the Coaster, my own Roller Coaster, trying to muddle on through, and I had had plans that a good friend was coming to visit. I had been getting ready, making my nest ready. It was Someone I had not seen in a long time. Someone that I wanted to Thank. Someone that makes me laugh. Someone that has always been good to me and my son.Someone that knows my path and has remained a friend, even from afar. But the month crept on and he didn't come.And he called and said he wasn't coming, and I said I Understood and that it was okay...but in some ways ....it wasn't. And it left me sad, sadder than I thought I would be.

And that news came after I realized that I had lost Someone Dear, Someone that I had not seen in years....and I had not expected to be gone...and it left me sad....Now the thing is if you have Too Much Sadness hit when you are under Stress, the Stress of trying to Make Ends Meet, and trying to stay Optimistic and continue the Search for the Regular Job....it becomes frustating....overwhleming....and a very Lonely Long Coaster Ride.

( And add to this, that yes, I am saddened by the continuing demise of this Country, and The State that it is in...and on the World Front- I am worried about the state of Pakistan, and that Justice and Writers and Activists are being jailed, Mr.Bush has been so busy making friends with Musharref, and warmongering at Iran and ignoring his pigepen mess of Iraq, that he has again missed the Much Bigger Picture, meanwhile the spineless pathetic Dems are still trying to assess where the hell they are on "torture".)

But you all left wonderful messeges and you brought Hope and left it neatly wrapped on the doorstep...All I ask is that you let me write my Eulogy to my Uncle Chuck this week, because he mattered more than I ever got to say, and I never got to thank him.....

But I am grateful for your Patience and for your kind thoughts...

*{As a Mea Culpa I have brought the one song that I end up alot when I am struggling....This is the Leonard Cohen Version, other times I like the Rufus Wainright Version]*

27 comments:

fallenmonk said...

Glad to see you back and sorry for the woes and loneliness. Beginning to worry about you. Never forget that we are all out here.

No said...

Yep, I went through the same thing myself, Enigma. I can totally feel your pain. Hope you're doing better.

dada said...

Whew, yes, welcome back, enigma! Sorry for your loss. Good uncles are like rare gems.

As fallenmonk reminds, you are not alone...we are a collective of like minds...and to see you down releases the group's empathy pheromones, making all the hive a little sadder.

Mary said...

V. glad you are back and as everyone else has said you are not alone. Let me know if I can do anything to help.

A Ball of Light said...

IAM so glad and grateful to know that you are all right Enigma... you have been very near the surface of my consciousness all week (actually for months) and i have sent what meager positive energy i could muster your way. May you find that peace in you that will bring you comfort in this saddened low spot and may you rise up even stronger from this.

OM Asatoma Sat Gamaya
Tamasoma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityorma Anritam Gamaya
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

OM
Lead me from the unreal to the Real
Lead me from the darkness to the Light
Lead me from the temporary to the Eternal
Let there be Peace, Let there be Peace, Let there be Peace

From Brihadaranyaka Upanishad

Josie said...

Enigma, I'm so glad to see you back. I have missed you! And, oh yes, I know about that roller coaster ride, and the stressful hormones it can release in one's body. Can we cheer you up?

"spineless pathetic Dems." When are you folks going to get a good, strong Democratic candidate who can just take hold of the reins (pardon the cliche) and take your country back to where it belongs? All you have to choose from now is a bunch of weak candidates.

The world is watching.

Gryphen said...

So good to have you back Enigma!

You had me a little worried darling.

Renegade Eye said...

Enigma: Your story is not unique in the USA. Even under slavery food and shelter were guaranteed.

I know people who like rollercoasters as a hobby. They go to amusement parks on their vacations. The wealthy travel the world.

Josie: The Democratic Party shares goals with the Republican Party. They offer rhetoric for your vote. They want your vote, but to think they are interested in your ideas, would be setting yourself up for disappointment. In 2004 Kucinich did a bait and switch. Say he was against the war, and end up endorsing Kerry. He'll do the same thing again.

Frederick said...

They're both good versions of the song. Welcome back.

Thorne said...

Oh, my sweet friend. I'm sorry for your troubles. Please know that it would be my priviledge to assist as I may. email me anytime or of course, call.
Namaste

eProf2 said...

Engima, welcome back. All things have a purpose, sometimes we can see them and sometimes we can't. Plato and the allegory of the cave taught us that centuries ago. Thanks for the Leonard Cohen song this morning. He is my very favorite poet/song writer/singer. Check out Antony's "If It Be Your Will," as a tribute to Cohen from the film, "I'm Your Man."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MDlMdu2gjw

Again, welcome back.

D.K. Raed said...

Thank you so much for letting us know! I was getting a bit worried (must be those empathy pheromones Dada referred to, gusting around my antennae).

Take care of all you have to, in your own way, hopefully a stress-minimizing way, if that is possible. We're right here for you.

That's my all-time favorite Leonard Cohen! I listen to it often, his voice reaches right down into my soul. I also love the haunting other-worldly Jeff Buckley version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tW6FgB8p1o

Open Grove Claudia said...

I'm sorry about your friend. I think that friendships have seasons - sometimes you go into winter with a friendship and spring comes years later. That's my hope for you.

Thomas said...

We are most glad you have returned to us, we fight on TOGETHER
You need to remind yourself that you can't worry about all the problems of the world, run a blog, raise a kid and work.....
let the rest of us do the heavy worrying for the time being!

Hang in there 01/20/09 is coming
and remember what Rick said in Casablanca "confusion to the enemy"
TomDem55

Anok said...

Hugs and condolences Enigma. It seems that this has been a week of loss for many of us.

Keeping you in my positive thoughts and energy...

betmo said...

that feeling is pervading the entire atmosphere. i am glad to know you are ok- after a fashion- and know that if you need a shoulder- i have two. :)

enigma4ever said...

Thank you one and all....you all always know how to touch my heart and make me smile again..I will try to make the rounds and get caught up here....but I am grateful that you are here...always...

namaste..

Larry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Larry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Larry said...

"Gratitude encourages intuition and abundance. This week and every day be thankful for who and what is in your life — instead of complaining about what you don’t have. Appreciate all the abundance and goodness that’s around you, whether big or small. Be thankful for your health, children, sunny days, your garden, family, best friends, or even the person who let you jump ahead in line at the bank. The more joy you begin to notice and appreciate, the easier it is for your intuition to lead you to even more happiness and prosperity."

John Holland

torridon1 said...

I echo all the previous sentiments !! on your blog !... you very much take care !!

No Blood for Hubris said...

Glad you're back. Know what you mean.

Naj said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your sorrow.

My deep sympathy.

Fran said...

Good to have you back! Sometimes sad things happen in waves, so let's hope that phase has passed, and now waves of better things will come your way. Sorry for your loss.

Spadoman said...

Glad you are back where we can at least see you. Good positive stuff sent your way.

Peace to you and to all

namaste

enigma4ever said...

Hello all...thank you for your thoughts and understanding....it is tuesday eve, and we are having a huge wintery storm this eve, snow, hail and sleet, and thunder and lightening....what a mess...but I will blog later tonight...

azgoddess said...

oh my - i had not known my friend - oh, so many hugs and sunshine much sunshine coming your way....peace my friend and yes namasta!

(close you eyes and look to the sky - feel the warmth and radiance on your face)