Eulogy to my Uncle Chuck

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A few weeks back I found out about the loss of Someone that Mattered, and Someone that I did not get to see or say GoodBye...so if you all don't mind I am going to write a little about him here and say Goodbye. I know it is self indulgent of me, and maybe selfish...but a blog is many things, sometimes it is a place make peace with the past.And sometimes it can even be a place to heal something that you did not even know was broken....or how broken.
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When I was growing up things were different. It was the 1960s, a time of tumultous change, riots, to marches, to great divisions and political chasms. My family was full of division and strife and dysfunctional as a 2nd hand Pacer. I was the kind of kid that watched Everything and asked too many questions. I was the one at the Thanksgiving Dinner when I was eight called Nixon a Dickhead ( and was treated to palmolive soap). MOST of my family were staunch Repugs, except for my closet Dem grandmother Flo...I had wonderful Great Aunts( mostly from the South, May, Elizabeth, Julia- Strong women from Kentucky...)Now about my own little nucleus, you all have noted that I rarely blog on them. My dad was brilliant, and my mom was well, Difficult at best. Judgemental and Cruel at worst. I spent alot of time at my grandmothers, as a reprieve, as a time away from a rough situation. ( That would all change when my grandparents moved to Florida when I was about 11).

And then there was My Dad's family, he had a younger sister, and she was 11 years younger than him, and that is quite a difference. She went to college and when I was about nine she fell in love. She told us and we were at the Beach, Ocean City for our 2 week summer vacation. Our whole family. And she told us about "Chuck" , and we were suposed to go meet him. He took the Bus down from New York. So we were walking to meet him at the Station. As we stood on one side of the street, Carol saw him on the other side, and she turned to us, my sister and my grandmother Flo and said" Oh, there he is". Across the Street there he was standing on the corner, all of 20. He had long black thick hair and huge dark sparkly black eyes, and a smile that lit the street. My sister was so stunned that she fell off the curb and had to be grabbed by my grandmother, and I proceeded to walk straight into a STOP sign. ( Later in life we would joke with my Aunt that he really did look like Josh Brolin).
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He was not only Handsome , he was SO Interesting. He was student teaching science- elementary. He worked at the school library in his off hours. He was Czech, he had come to the States during Political Unrest, so this made him very myserious. He also loved animals and was very good with them. And when he talked to kids, he really listened, looking them right in the eye. Within a year of meeting him, he and Carol got married. They were so in love and so sweet to each other, I remember them laughing, alot. I had never seen that, so I was intrigued.We went to see them one Thanksgiving, they lived in North New York on an old farm that they fixed up.

He was raising Quail, he took us to see the old Hen House that he was using on their farm. The Quail - there were eggs, and also baby quail. He took my time to explain to me about that the quail had been rare, and their numbers depleted, he very carefully explained that the eggshells held the answers. He told me about Rachel Carson, and how she had studied what Pesticides do to the Birds and their eggs. I never forgot that conversation. And as teenager I bought my first copy of Silent Spring at Yard Sale, and I thought of Chuck. As he raised the Quail, Carol raised dogs, spaniels and setters, and he would show us which dogs were Meant to Hunt, and which ones weren't, he could tell how they acted around his baby quail. And he let me hold a soft fragile baby quail in my hand....It was the first time I ever held a bird and it melted my heart.
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Years later down in Florida we sat be a pool drinking pina-colatas as we all visited my grandparents, by then he was a parent with two little girls.....and we talked about my grandmother's health. ( she later died of Breast and lung cancer). And we talked about them living on the golf course. He said that he thought it was okay...but we both talked about the Golf Course, and quietly worried did they use chemicals." But you gotta love the sun...and golf is kind of fun" he said. I was still worried...and to this day I still worry about it. But the years slipped away, I became a nurse and married and rarely saw them...and our family became more and more fractured. Mostly due to my mother creating arguments and divisions and hurting people. I gave up trying to repair all the relations and moved to New England.
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About 2 years ago, was the last time I spoke to my sister,( which is our norm, thanks to my mom) and she said that Chuck had been sick. I said I am sorry, is he okay? Oh ,yeah she said, "he has that lymphoma, that one that isn't cancer- he is fine. He is young and strong". And I was stupid enough to believe her. But our Family has been broken for so long, that I had to trust her. And by now you all know that I adopt people, because as a black sheep, I long ago gave up on this family that is not capable of the most important of conversations....and incapble of nurturing the most basic connections.
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So here I am. I was doing research last month, on dog issues, for my neighbor with the dog that has hip dysplasia. And it dawned on my that Carol and Chuck live in North New York and raise Dogs, and hunting dogs, they might know of resources to help "Buddy". So I went to look them up....and their work, and maybe even re-initiate contact, regardless of our fractured broken family. The very first google hit that came up was Chuck's Obituary. He died Last spring. He was only 11 years older than me. He died after a short battle with Lymphoma.They held a Memorial Service at his favorite golf course. And I never got to say Goodbye or Thank you...