The Funeral Review at the Enigma Cafe.....( and it ain't pretty)

I was not going to blog...really. I was taking a break...Really.
Now that being said.... Please know I mean NO Disrespect to the Dead....
I really don't....Really.

*^*^*^*^* ACT ONE OF FUNERAL-RAMA ^*^*^*^*^*^*
So the First Funeral Was James Brown the Godfather of Soul Mid Saturday Afternoon...I was surfing around and expected to see either more Hanging Updates or Ford Procession Updates ( which begs me to ask How Many times can they show the Limos on the tarmac ?...ok, don't ask....).

**** I need to clarify my son and I got hooked on watching these funerals during last couple of years, the Reagon Funeral with his son Ron blasting Bush a new one was Priceless, and then the Rosa Parks Funeral- one of the most beautiful I have ever seen. The other one that my son and I actually even taped was Coretta Scott King. It is about Honor, and how we as a people are forgetting how to Honor Who we are...or What we have lost. Now that it is Clear, there is a shortage of Honor in one of these Funerals- you can guess Which ....****

Now this was the oddest thing I have ever seen, for the most part, not a bad funeral, lots of really good music, and Al Sharpton speaking his mind. ( Michael Jackson still creeps me out I confess). Now the part that left a dent on my brain, all week we learned that the James Family does not well, "like" his wife of the past five years, Tomi Rae, matter of fact , they are disputing that she is even his wife. Now that being said. She Somehow worked her way to the stage...and then when she got there she leaned way over the casket, like she was going to climb in it or drench him with tears, lurching like a hungry vulture, it was like some kind of Scary Opera, Such Effect.

Now WHY it made The Never Before Funeral List...So there she is leaning over, looking like the Scorned Lover ( that she is) and Looking Postively Stricken, and PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE started BOOING HER AND YELLING THINGS AT HER. I have been to a fair number of funerals ( part of being a nurse). So She Who is Scorned looks up and out at the Audience with a look that would or could Kill, and then she plucks a Rose from the closest Mammoth Arrangement...and then she struts off with an Attitude and Swagger that singed the stage....I swear there was smoke in her trail.

*^*^*^*^* ACT TWO of FUNERAL-RAMA*^*^*^*^*^*^*

Okay Now Evening dawns and It is time for the Ford Show. So the Ford Caravan finally arrives in the Rotunda, my son is humming the "Convoy" song, and they show the beautiful Lit Stairway that the Mourners and the Casket is going to be Lifted up...and I am sitting there thinking , wow, that is a Whole Lot of Steps. ( Son pipes up " oh, look the Stairway to Heaven). I however could almost hear the Rocky music in my head. ( And yes, I even looked for it on YouTube). I could picture Young Bodies Leaping up the steps, but I could also picture Old Statesmen falling down the stairs. ( Oh, come on it was FORD"S Funeral, we could have had Chevy there giving Lessons for heavens sakes). So my son says "Wow, talk about Cruel Irony , Did they have to have the Stairs cause it 's Ford's Funeral- that seems kind of tacky."

So we both chuckled, but the cameras start showing the Geezer Contention gingerly creeping and crawling out of the cars, and 6-6 says" So are they going to make all of them do the stairs ? wow, Hope someone packed a defibrillator". We laughed and ate more chips.

Then they show everyone filing into the Rotunda, it's lovely somber, but with a bit of a chill. I sit and wonder if Woodward is there, and how many old GOP "Dignataries" HEARD the Ford-Now-that -I-am-dead- Screw -you-Bush-you-done-Iraq -wrong -tape ? I would say by watching the Frosty Reunion- Quite a Few Heard the Esteemed Tape. Rummy is nowhere to be seen ( something about Storms Delayed his arrival) and then Cheney looks bothered and inconvenienced, like a man that ran out of hemmorhoid cream on a Mexican Vacation. Cheney is susposed to be "attending" to Betty, he glances her way every now and then , as cozy as row 3 on the Greyhound Bus to Dayton. Cheney and his own wife did not speak to each other at all , or make eye contact.

Now before the "Festivities" get roaring along, Everyone has risen, or is already standing, and it doesn't look like there are any chairs. ( Kind of a Rummy Funeral I guess ?). And then there is some kind of singing, but over behind Betty you can see some kind of Scuffle and Scurrying going on. 6-6 says," Oh shit one of geezers bit the dust- that is a bad omen". So we surf the channels and sure enough all of them are trying to get different angles on it. Commentator; " Oh we don't have to worry,Senator Frist is there, He's a Doctor." Son: "OMG. That's it- for sure he's a goner, poor guy, Gee I hope Someone call 911."

( Now I apologize but this is gallows humor- he has grown up with nothing but nurses about, and at 15 what do you expect? Tea and Sympathy?. Truth be told as of VERY late Saturday Night, we know little, except that it was Congressman William Broomfield, and he was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Oxygen looking very pale , and pasty, and not very good. Poor Guy. The film of him getting put in the ambo was cut from other channels but we caught it on cspan.).

Now about Betty Ford, this is the Pearls and Swine part of the Program.. What a lady ,so regal, even in her tiny stature she diminishes all around her. She has Bearing, or my grandmom would say " Presence". She has Class. And even in grief she was tall and proud, majestic really, navigating through those shark infested GOP "Mourners". She barely acknowledged the Swine. At one point on her way to the casket for her evening Goodbye, she gracefully manuvered out of Cheney's Grasp and worked her way to her son, like a woman swimming to shore. She never even gave Cheney a sideglance or any eye contact. It was stunning.

And when she was about to go into the Rotunda, the Military Brass ALL saluted her- it was very beautiful. I was really moved by That and I kept wondering if that was about Ford being in the Navy, or More about what he said about Iraq. Either way ...

( BTW there was No Daddy Bush and No Junior either, JR must still be down there at the Ranch clearing Brush, "Southern Comfort" syle.)

So there were the Obligatory Pomp and Circumstance Speeches, except it was their delivery that was so striking. ( We actually made popcorn for this part-it was worth it). Ted-where-is-my-damn-bridge-to-nowhere Stevens can not read a eulogy, that was a hoot, his delivery must have been from years of watching Bush. I have seen my cat fight her way out of a wet paper bag with more dignity. The we had Denny-I-Need-another-Whopper- Hastert, both he and Stevens sounded so Peevish and Petulent, so dispairingly annoyed with having to say Something ( when they know they can kiss their but -we- should -still- have- the- power- asses goodbye). They were like kids that arrive late to a Birthday party and the gift bags are all gone, and they still have to stay and pretend to have manners.There was a good bit of rather irritated Drivel about how Ford was a "Healer", and a "Rock", and "he kept the Country together through Dark Times" ( ahem, that means Another Time of Criminal Corruption ). How "HIS PARDON Basically Saved America from worst Crisis and Destiny". ( Enigma spewed Dr.Pepper and popcorn out her nose at about this point, while yelling "Oh, Kiss my ass" at the TV). Then there was some kind of crap about "Forward" and Forgiveness". ( and I heard alot of coughing in the Rotunda too). I wished I had been there I would have coughed "Bullshit:".

Okay I confess I did not Listen to ALL of it, I did suffer the Hastert and Stevens Acts, but the dog had to poop, so Cheney's Time seemed the best time to go take care of that. So yes, I missed Cheney, but I did see him start, standing at the podium looked inconvenienced. ( As a waitress I have seen that "Will someone please bring the godamn check " look a 1000 times. ). All three speeches had an Icey Edge, ominous, almost threatening....and yet the Commentators kept saying how "honoring" the eulogies were. I guess I only heard The Edge not the Empty Words.

See I see it this way, WE NEVER HEALED FROM WATERGATE AND THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THESE GODAWFUL CRIMINALS IN THE WHITEHOUSE RIGHT NOW...CAUSE IF FORD HADN'T PARDONED NIXON, IT WOULD BE A WHOLE DIFFERENT HISTORY WE ARE LIVING RIGHT NOW.
( Hey my blog is Watergate Summer- did you think I would let this "Oh What a Hero Crap" slide ???)