Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Enigma Cafe Suvived Winter thanks to many Good Souls

Watergatesummer is moving into winter....

and the Country is having a Constitutional Crisis....
and yet, none of our elected officials seem to be doing much...
except sending me notices that they need money....

Yet Are they doing anything about the Dictator in the White House ?
Are they doing Anything about Citizens being surveilled and spyed on?
No.

Maybe the 4th Amendment was just a Dream...

What kind of citizens have been spyed on ?
and Harrassed? Homes searched? No FLy Lists?
Medical Records and Library Records Messed with?
Muslims?...
Activists...
Civil Rights and Peace Activists,
Whistleblowers.....
Quaker Grannies....
Normal Regular people....
It will total Millions my friends...millions....

( Data Mining is something Real to Fear...get Risen's Book)

EVEN MOMS AND NURSES....
( and not because they know Osama, but because Bushco CAN, and because it is called Retribution. Fair Game, it is called Retaliation. It is called Hubris....)

and I am not sure that anyone even really cares.... or even gets IT....

CLARIFICATION and a REALITY CHECK :
I think I need to explain a few things.....

(1) I am in no way apathetic, and have in no way stopped caring about What Happens...I care deeply, if anything too much...I am fiery, I am passionate about anything that hurts people. I also have guts, and even at times courage....

(2) For those that don't know the Enigma's Tale- it goes something like this ....I was a Whistleblower on a Large Toxic Case in the West, and the past Four years have been Beyond Hellish, harrassment, death threats etc. ALL of which worsened considerably under THIS Regime. The Enigma has been through ALOT, because she reported a Very naughty Criminal Chemical Company to this Regime. ( Much worse than Erin's Story- makes Hinkley look like Disney). The Company is held in High Regard by the Bush Family- I obviously did not Know that until TOO late. Since 2002 I have had to move FIVE times, I have lost family, friends, homes, and pets, and oh, that's right, A marriage....and am still trying to raise a son. Who wisely pointed out that I have been trying to teach him the Constitution for FIVE years????

(3) So here is the thing, I have had Mail opened , and rooted through like frenzied gerbils, I have had Christmas Packages gone through- torn apart and stickers put on my packages saying that it "was checked for explosives". ( yeah, I am a nurse and a mom). And MY house rooted through numerous times, and I was NOT ALLOWED to file reports with the FBI, even though I was a witness on a Federal Case...Anyone Figuring this out yet??
( cause this ain't just about the King being allowed to ilegally "Eavesdrop"...and it sure as shit is not about Protecting you or me from Osama)

(4) A year ago when I was very sick,and needed to fly for Medical Care, (due to Crappy Insurance I needed to travel out of state for medical care), but then I found out that I could NOT fly because I am on a No FLY list, so I tried to take a train to get care....and the train broke down THREE times ( our country 's Infrastructure is in the toilet).

(5) I have had my Medical Records EVAPORATE from five different Doctors Offices....Do you have ANY idea what is like to walk in to a Dr's office and have an empty file?....especially when you are sick?

(6)My favorite Bookstore in California requested I ONLY pay for books in cash- because Someone had come there requesting records on what I was purchasing...and they were "Uncomfortable"...( yeah, they were uncomfortable)
( Yeah , I read books on Environmental Forensics, Soil analysis, Community Health, Toxic Waste, all very Scary stuff )

(7) So here is The Thing, the Reality Check...it was So Much easier when I could Blame my Problems on the Big Scummy Chemical Company, but now I see that thanks to me Requesting and Assisting Federal Investigations because ALL of my family and friends were being poisoned, the Company called on Bushco and I am on EVERY Fucking List you can think of...ME!!?? A Mom. A Nurse, a nice normal patriotic mom...I am More than Disgusted, Disheartened, Sad, Frustated.....
And I did Everything that you could think of....I went to the Media.....I have done Everything to protect my son and myself...
and for what ? ( Everything includes reports to Human Rights Watch, ACLU, and EIGHT Senator's Offices)
The President of the Company is GOOD Friends with the Bushs, and this is my Fate, My Punishment ??!!

(8) So I thought I would Blog, that it would bring some peace, a place to vent, to connect with what is left of My Country,
to write, to think, and hell, maybe even find and give some Hope...But right Now I don't feel Like I have Anything to give.

This Robert F.Kennedy quote used to be my favorite, and reminds me alot of Blogging..it used to Mean Something :

"It is from Numberless, Diverse acts of Courage and belief that Human History is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an Ideal , or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against Injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of Hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, these ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of Oppression and Resistance." ( RFK, S.Africa 1966)

(9) And yeah, I don't know What to do...to keep blogging ? I don't know...I really don't...does it Matter ?

37 comments:

cruelanimal said...

Wolf Blitzer showed a poll on CNN last night stating that 50% of Americans approve of Bush's decision for domestic spying on U.S. citizens.

It's a combo of Orwell and Huxley. Big Brother is spying on us, but we're more interested in the soma of Runaway Brides and "Dancing with the Stars."

Bush has the powers of a king? Who cares. When is that "C.S.I." rerun on...comrade?

Anonymous said...

Well I can certainly appreciate feeling discouraged right about now, it does seem that the silence is deafening. After years of the 'little things make a difference' type of thinking, really I am starting to come to a realization that much of this is for naught. See the trouble is that people are willing to talk about the problems, speak their criticisms (although often anonymously) and yet when it comes to real direct action...not so much. People could pick up the phone, express dissatisfaction far more than they do. People could take steps and collectively they would matter but as isolated activists? We are often dismissed. I try to continue my real-lfe efforts but I totally hear you.
But then I think about people in my own community, emboldened to speak out because their neighbors had the courage to say this war is wrong. Many would say that it doesn't matter because thousands stood in opposition to this war and nobody cared. The effects can be very hard to gage from where we are standing.
But then I look at examples like our work against drilling in ANWR and think it has made a difference. Saved it? No. What will happen if we all lose interest though? They count on the short attnetion span and I refuse to give that to them. Its not a trend or a phase or a 'lifestyle' to care about the planet. Its something that we have to commit to even when we feel shitty about the prospects.

Anonymous said...

Though I can definitely sympathize with feeling discouraged. I see plenty to smile about when it comes to turning the tables. For example, the left and right coasts are waking up to the notion that they can put the nose of the Republicans to wheel of states rights until their face is bloody.

Just goes to show, all politics is local.

Hang in their. It's be a shame to give up now.

jurassicpork said...

e4e:

I just heard in a lengthy comment by dada that your place is boarded up. Apparently, it's true. Why?

You know, just before I wrote one of my most powerful posts last week, I wrote what proved to be a deleted preamble as to why I needed to get out. Call me a reluctant blogger, call me bi-polar. I tried to get out last summer when I realized that it was consuming my life, not just my vacation.

I said farewell when my dog died last month. I just didn't have the fire in me anymore. December sucked, both because of the loss in our family and my stuttering gait for the rest of the year. I didn't have it in me and I was discouraged.

Then while writing the post in question, something clicked and sputtered to life. maybe it was the Blogger Muse, whoever she might be. Perhaps I realized that with the November elections coming up, I couldn't walk away just yet, even though, with my style of blogging, there is no happy medium and that it still consoumes as much of my time as ever if not more.

Now I'm in the groove that I was in last November, when the words danced at my bidding and the old glibness and nastiness returned like a long-lost junk yard dog. I'm back, bigger and badder than ever and will refuse to succumb to the madness that is engulfing and darkening our nation like some horrible moral glaucoma. We need the voices, we need the outrage because when we stop tilting at windmills, all is lost.

Please reconsider. I miss your dispatches.

Justin said...

We care. And we get it. That's why we're here. I look forward to seeing more from you. Hope it works out and you find the time to get back at the bloggin.

Gothamimage said...

Enigma, we hardley knew ye. As you said, on my previous post, things are out of balance....

meldonna said...

DON'T you Dare! let this blog go down. I feel like Belushi in Animal House. So they've put us on double-secret probation...so what??? They do have all the money, and they do have all the power, but SO WHAT? Does that make them RIGHT????

I don't have to ask if you're a Delta...I know you're an AMERICAN!!!!!

If it takes a nationwide toga-party to get attention, I got a coupla extra sheets...don't 'pecker' out now!

to-ga. to-ga. TO - GA. TO-GA!

Molly Ivins sez we don't win often, but we enjoy ourselves anyway...

I say we won in 1776, and we can enjoy ourselves winning against the new King George NOW!!!

Who wants to help me build a big parade float of a cake that says "Eat Me"?

(I hope somebody is humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic at this point)

Don't lose faith, E. Not when we have the truth on our side!!!!

Dada said...

As he lay dying, Pancho Villa muttered his last words. What he said was, "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."

Well, thankfully, those are words we'll not hear you mutter, E4E. You said mouthfuls! Hopefully, you're lying somewhere, less than mortally wounded and we'll all be stunned one day (soon) at your resurrection. ~Dada (http://dadadada2u.blogspot.com/)

BTW E4E, did you know I've taken inspiration from this. I, too, am considering falling on my sword over at Dada's Dally; to become one of those apathetic bastards I abhor. As Jurassic said, "...we need the outrage because when we stop tilting at windmills, all is lost." I think that was hyperbole. I'd only put it at 99.99% lost. Hmmm, now that I think of it, that's as good as Ivory Soap. Okay, okay, so that wasn't hyperbole on Jurassic's part. He's right. All is lost.

Oh, don't forget to try and look me up a year from now. My Morse code name is -.. .- -.. .- ..--- ..- .(whoops, that last one there was a "period", not a "dot"..., i.e., the end of the sentence. (.<--like that one and this one-->.) I'm not sure how well dots and dashes will differentiate on cell block concrete or metal bars, but we'll have lots and lots of time to work that out, won't we?

Jack said...

You won't give up.
You'll rest. You'll get angry.
You'll need to vent.
You'll be back!

So, take the quick rest. DON'T WATCH TV! (Alito will be confirmed . . . you certainly don't need to see that.)

But other things are looking up. Lieberman is running so scared even he now mentions an Alito filibuster.
Thom Hartmann has decided that "Fascist" is no longer a term he'll shun when discussing the Bush Crime Family regime.

Russ Feingold is starting to hold other Dems feet to the Progressive fire. (Who knows, maybe you'll come back to push for his candidacy?)

You'll be back; because you're needed.

Anonymous said...

I'll help build the cake... who else????

Unknown said...

You must do what you have to do to survive..emotionally, physically and reasonably.If You can not find a voice within the boundaries put up by the "press", there is very little left to say. I do not fear them, there is little they can do to me. I do not have a child to raise as you do. My illnesses are standard old age maladies that do not require specialized medicene men.I can not walk a mile in your shoes and therefore can not suggest what you need to do.

Just be aware that there is a community of people that love you and your body of work. Your relentless, selfless research amazes me. I hope that you will be able to find your way back to the blogosphere, you are needed and wanted.

If you go away..they win..maybe not the war, but the battle. Don't let them win if at all possible.

You have my email. You can always get ahold of me.

Take care of yourself and your child first. We will carry on sweet sister and await your return. I just hope its sooner than later.

jurassicpork said...

OK, if you won't listen to us, enigma, then I guess I'll have to bring in reinforcements.

And you know how heavily trafficked my blog is...

Anonymous said...

Please, don't go away. They might have won the battle, but they have yet to win the war.
My heart goes out to you and your son, hang in there.. we're pulling for you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, enigma, you have been doing us a big good turn, and now I'm just learning about it. things are turning around, and i do believe the public is waking up and getting mad. Please keep up your work for us.

Ruth

Anonymous said...

Diagnosis: You need a vacation. A news vacation. I haven't been through anything like what you describe -- yet I'm feeling a similar sense of despair. It's been especially heavy this week.

Sometimes you really have to shut yourself down and reboot. Go back to the well. Replenish your soul by concentrating on whatever small things in life you derive joy from. Your energy will return, and that's as it should be, because the community needs your voice. We NEED to hear from precisely the people who are being silenced.

Hey, if you give up entirely, the terr'ists have won. And you know which terr'ists I'm talking about -- the ones trying to keep us controlled by fear and misery.

Best wishes.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE dont give up! Rest awhile and come back. They Wont stop even if you do and you will not hear the support you do have.

spooked said...

Bless you and don't give up. A lot of people are behind you that you don't know but they do care about you and your cause.

zennurse said...

I came over from firedoglake, jurassicpork knows we are good there at holding each other during crises, and this sure is one. I am also a nurse and a mom and a progressive, hell, I'm a total bleeding heart. I have only read this one post and will surely explore more; for now, I will simply repost something I wrote about last night:


I heard the NPR piece about the Freedom Fighters today, too and was impressend with an excerpt from a Mr. Farmer, a beautiful speaker who told us about being a Freedom Rider and acting on "jail no bail" when they would go arm in arm to have lunch in a segregated restaurant and get arrested, then not bail out in Ghandi-like peaceful protest and to burden the jail. At one time there were over 300 Freedom fighters in Parchman Prison, given salted food they couldn't eat, no paper, reading, cigarettes (1960's everyone chain smoked). What did they do? They sang at the top of thier lungs, every freedom song they knew, until the jailers threatened to take away thier mattresses, the only thing they had left. Finally, one of them made the connection between the mattresses and thier souls, that the jailers were just trying to take away thier souls. So they called the jailers, and said, take away my mattress, but you'll not get my soul.

He said it so much more beautifully and was laughing as he told it.

It inspired me in a way I cannot explain, and reminded me that this country and its people are strong, stron, strong, and require of us to be just as strong as ever through this.

Namaste
zen

Dada said...

enigma: So good to hear from you. The answer to your last two questions: 1.) Yes! (Keep blogging?); 2.) Yes! (It matters!) Thanks. (Oh, and sorry to use the "A" word (apathy) in an earlier comment. It was intended as hyperbole--a subject I know nothing about. But thanks for reaffirming you're not susceptible. I never, ever doubted that. )

Anonymous said...

Yes, enigma, it really matters. Like all of life, the winning is in the fighting.

Richard said...

enigma,

I empathise and sympathise completely. Over the last few years I've been to several similar 'places' and have several of the 'T-shirts' to show for it.

I don't want you to suffer any more - in any way at all. I want you to enjoy whatever life you have. So, if you believe that by stopping blogging [either permanently or temporarily] things will be better for you and yours, you must do what you feel is best.

However, you should know that even half way across the world [here in England] other kindred spirits are 'with you'.

We are all a part of 'the whole'. The loss of even a single segment of that whole is painful. Particularly when it's a 'segment' such as yourself.

Whether or not you can/will carry on writing remains to be seen and the decision is entirely your own - and rightly so.

But for what it's worth, I for one don't want you to stop blogging. Moreover, from what I read here, I'm far from being alone in that respect.

So, here's hoping that whatever your final decision turns out to be -- is the absolute, best one possible for all.

Meantime, lots of love and best wishes from Richard/T.O.B. from right the way across the wide Atlantic.

(Btw, we're going to keep checking in here --------- to see what does eventually happen. And, we'll be keeping our fingers crossed when we do.)

Anonymous said...

A society is in jeopardy when a person must be a hero in order to do the right thing.

-Aristotle

Anonymous said...

Don't throw in the towel . . .look on the bright side, you've already gone through the worst shit!

DeGaulle didn't give up . . .and Roosevelt wouldn't even take his phone calls.

If you quit, THEY win . . . and you're still going to be on their lists! So enjoy the ride.

Anonymous said...

Came over from Firedoglake - what a story and what an ordeal you've been through. And what courage you've shown for yourself, your child and for the rest of us. Thank you - and trust yourself in all of your decisions.

No Blood for Hubris said...

Sorry I'm late. Had technical problems. What do you need?

NEWSGUY said...

Hey nurse, if you've gotta quit for a while to rid yourself of some bad karma, get some rest and relaxation and recharge the batteries, then you must do it. But I would hope you might think of Watergate Summer as a kind of therapy, where you can blow off steam but at the same time let the bastards know they don't yet own the world, don't yet have us all cowering before their mighty power.

Think of yourself as the flower pushing up between the cracks in the sidewalk. You have been cruelly stepped on and bent, but you are not broken and still free to bloom and enjoy the sunshine. Wow, is that corny.

Forget that. On second thought, think of the bastards as the flower. No, a noxious weed. A whole bunch of noxious weeds. And you are driving a Caterpillar D8 right through the middle of their weed fest.

Don't leave the community you have created. You are an inspiration to those of us who believe in a way better world but have not experienced even half of the pain and turmoil you have had in recent years. It says, if enigma4ever can survive and flourish, then so can I. Carry on the good fight, please, but only after you have had a proper vacation from Watergate Summer.

And take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

No Blood for Hubris said...

Just got caught up. Sent you email. In the meantime, were I you, I'd go for regarding that RFK quote as being very prescient and very much worth regarding as real and true.

Lily said...

Enigma,
Just read your update, and I am sorry for it. And sorry for what people are going through in this supposedly 'free' nation. I suppose compared to what has gone down in some other countries we can consider ourselves marginally fortunate on some counts but one doesn't see these other countries proclaiming themselves to be the 'moral authority' that will bring 'democracy' to others either!
I don't have the answer. I blog for one main reason: mindfulness. Not because I think I am different, better, unique, eloquent, or can solve the problems of the world. But I think there is something to be said for those 'ripples' and for the little people that keep at it. (like the termite analogy) Mindfulness. Reminding ourselves, each other- even if it does feel like redundant choir preaching at times. I don't want to go back to sleep, close my eyes, watch stupid television and stop reading. It helps to have others, and thats what blogging does. It supplements the community.
They count on fear, they count on you being worried about what your neighbors think or of making a living and having options. They count on our paranoia and our fear to keep us in check. But imagine if everyone collectively said FUCK THAT????

Gothamimage said...

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. Since I cannot really understand the whole history, I'll just say I was very flattered by the nice comments you made about our comic posts. Just do what gives you a measure of surcease or sublimate some of your anger over things into your terrific sense of humor.

Reading what Richard the Old Brit wrote, we say "Hear Hear!" in assent. Also, keep in mind you are a creative writer, so try to create postive thoughs for your self.

jurassicpork said...

See what I mean, hun?

I'm connected. That means I'm connected to you, as well, and when you silence yourself, you silence all of us just a bit.

Anonymous said...

Enigma,
RFK was right. It is building - slowly but it is building. Take these little ripples we are sending out to you and take heart. don't give up.

enigma4ever said...

enigma here....I am still listening....and trying to decide what to do...and now my son has joined the crusade...to save the little enigma cafe.....I put the NOLA poem up below, because the son requested....listening and trying....I do hear you...

Justin said...

I would miss you if you closed.

meldonna said...

I gotta catcha nap before the Seahawks game...and there is a big flag flying from the Space Needle with a 12 on it...twelvth man, you know?

I'll be hollering at you soon; and like everybody else who's chimed in, keep the faith - even if you need a breather...

Much love to you, and the KID!

Stephen McArthur said...

I just read this now...I have been sick as a dog from flying in six different airplanes (more later on my theories about airplanes and how they are designed to make us all sick). I had no idea about your background. Do you have an attorney? Have you talked to the ACLU? I worked in Washington DC for 10 years and know a few people.

Please don't stop writing. You do so beautifully and effectively.

If you want to call my cell phone, email me at my email address on my blog.

Gryphen said...

Hey Enigma.

Just checking up on you babe. Long time no hear. You doing okay?

Neil Shakespeare said...

Just a word of support from this end, too. Hope you can keep on keepin on.